


Powerless

by Phandiction



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Violence, Dan Howell - Freeform, Danhowell/phillester - Freeform, Daniel Howell - Freeform, Deathfic, Fluff, Gladiators, Hurt Dan Howell, Hurt Phil Lester, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mentions of Smut, Near Death Experiences, Non-Graphic Smut, Phil Lester - Freeform, Phillip Lester - Freeform, Protective Dan Howell, Protective Phil, Protectiveness, Scared Dan Howell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-17 11:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11274813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phandiction/pseuds/Phandiction
Summary: Dan is unlawfully thrown into the arena as a crimminal in 2ed century AD to fight a known Hero, Phil Lester. Unexpectedly they are shown mercy and become cell mates. Though cold at first, Dan's strong and yet helpless demeanor win the Hero over and the two soon become a thrilling team in the arena and the audience begs for more. Forced to learn quickly Dan picks up on the fighting skill. The two defend each other conquer battle after battle. However they soon become aware of the real reason they’re always victorious…





	1. Sooner Or Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I am honest, this fic, out of ALL the fics I’ve written, is my absolute favorite. It was fun to write about and imagine and day dream about. So please, i beg anyone reading this to ignore any hesitancy you might feel due to the summary, or tags and just try it. I know it sounds different! But come on, theres weirder out there lol

If you think the sound of fingernails scraping down a chalk board is an ear-splitting noise, then you’ve never heard hundreds of prisoners shaking the iron bars of their over accommodated cells, each screaming obscene, crude, terrifying things as you walk down the underground concrete path to your death, hands knotted behind you with rope as if you would dare try to escape the two enormous men leading you along.

                One of the prisoner’s spit and it lands on Dan’s cheek. Those that see laugh hysterically, several trying to accomplish the same thing. All Dan can do is hold his breath and rub what saliva he can reach off with his shoulder.

                “You’re gonna look like a skinned squirrel by the time you’re out of there! Wish they’d bring your body in here for us to see afterward!” A man screams from above and Dan bites his tongue, trying not to give his feelings away. Despite being locked up, these men terrified him. He could only imagine what would happen if they got out. He’d be dead. They didn’t know who he was. They didn’t even know what he had done to end up here. It didn’t matter to them. They were angry with the world, with their situation; they’d all likely have the same fate as Dan in one way or another and therefore they hated him and everyone else that walked this path.

                “Come over here pretty boy! Let me fuck that pretty face of yours before it’s ripped to shreds!”

                “Yeah! Hey guards?! Bring the pretty boy in here when they’re finished with him out in the ring!”

                “We’re neeeever seeing you again little boy!”

                The comments kept coming. Dan wished he could turn off his hearing. He was about to die and this is what his last moments would be like? Ear piercing screams that echoed and vibrated against the old stone walls. The smell of sweat and god knows what else sticking to his nostrils. Wouldn’t he be able to have a last meal? A last drink? Anything?

                One of the guards shoved him forward as they exited the prison chambers and entered a damp narrow hallway. The space was tight and Dan didn’t like the idea of being stuck in here with these two men. They seemed unconcerned with their detainee though and Dan continued walking quickly between them. He tried to ignore the constricting feeling in his chest as the walls seemed to get tighter and the ceiling lower. His breathing quickened despite the sounds of screaming prisoners slowly fading behind him. He knew it was ridiculous to be this concerned about claustrophobia when he was about to get his throat sliced but in a few minutes his thoughts wouldn’t matter anyway.

                How are you supposed to just accept your death? Dan thought. He’d of course seen the games. Everyone had. He too had sat on the stands and watched as beasts tore each other apart or winced when the “Hero” stabbed the criminal in the back. He never thought he’d be on the receiving end of the blade though. He remembered seeing the often defeated, hopeless look on the criminals faces as the Hero charged toward them. They had accepted their fate. Dan didn’t know if he could do that.

                He could see light shining in through thick iron bars at the end of the hallway. His heart pounded against his chest as the sound of more screaming, this time from those on the stands of the open stadium, split through the air and pierced his insides. _They don’t know who I am…,_ thought Dan despondently. _They don’t know why I’m here, why I’m going to die. What right to they have to be happy about it?_  They reached a part of the hallway that crossed with another. _That’s where the beasts come through._ Dan glanced briefly down the tunnel and swallowed. What would they send after him? A tiger? Lion? Enraged bull?

                Dan was pulled to a stop at the iron gates. He looked through and saw thousands of people sitting on dirty stained benches. He wondered if anyone up there knew him. Would they know it was him when they saw him? Would they have to look away when he was ripped to shreds? _I have given up already, haven’t I?_ Dan thought.

                One of the men pulled out a small knife and began cutting through the ropes around Dan’s wrist. He rubbed at the raw flesh and looked down at himself. He wasn’t going to last a minute out there. Maybe that was for the best though. _Just make it quick_ , he prayed. He forced himself to stand a little straighter and take a deep breath. He didn’t want to look defeated when the crowd saw him.

                “Here’s your weapon.” One of the guards held out his hand, holding the same knife he’d just cut his ropes with and Dan just stared at him. The handle was shoved into his lose fist and he was forced to grip it.

“This…this is what I get?” He could probably barely kill a rabbit with this thing.

“Yup. Don’t get it too dirty, I hate cleaning that thing.” An amused smiled crossed the man’s face before he turned and walked away, the other following after he slammed his fist into a large metallic button on the wall.

Dan jumped when the gate before started rising. He stepped out cautiously. Every determination he’d decided to have walking into the ring disappeared as the situation became a reality. Fear settled in his gut and he wanted to pass out right there. He wished he would. Maybe then he could be unconscious as the crazed animal ate his flesh. Or at the very least not feel the terror when the creature bounded toward him. In the distance though he could already see a figure. And the figure was not that of an animal it was…a human. A human? They were going to let one of the Heroes kill him instead? A flicker of hope burned like an ember in his core. At least with a human he had the likelihood of a quick demise.

Dan spun the knife around in his hand. He would never be able to use it. That is, he didn’t have a clue how. And despite knowing the man walking toward him was going to be his murderer Dan didn’t think he could kill even if he had the physical capability. If he won he would only be expected to kill again.

The sun was hot. Sweat was already beading on Dan’s forehead but he refused to wipe it away. His attention was focused on his killer. Dan forced his posture straight, his hands in fists, his stance wide. He reached into his pocket, felt the cold metal of the golden band that had gotten him into this mess. Had it been worth it to steal the band from the wealthy, egotistical bastard? Dan couldn’t deny that seeing the man’s furious, shocked expression had been quite amusing. But if he could go back maybe he would have stuck with simply tripping the worthless being or stepping on his heel or something. Now he was here…staring at a proud young Hero.

The Hero was tall, black haired, and slender. Dan had been expecting a bulky, powerful, murderer. Of course, Dan shouldn’t have expected such. This man too was a prisoner here. He got the same treatment as everyone else. If he weren’t in this place perhaps he would be weighty. This man couldn’t look more carefree and confidant as he swung his sword around. He hadn’t even acknowledged Dan was in the arena with him. _He knows he’s going to win,_ thought Dan angrily. He has nothing to worry about. He can stand there and wave at the crowd as they scream for him. Dan though, he had to think about what he could do to possibly make it out of here alive. Again, not as though he necessarily wanted to, knowing the life he’d be trapped in but the will to survive was the foundation of any human being and even as hopeless as this situation was, Dan couldn’t help but look for a weakness.

The Hero was thin, so at least they were equal in that department. It didn’t seem as though he could simply knock Dan to the ground with a single blow. There was the problem of the sword however. His killer could injure him easily enough from a farther distance whereas Dan had to get up close and personal to use his small useless knife. _I should just attack now, while he’s distracted by the chanting audience,_ thought Dan.

But the Hero seemed to know exactly what he was thinking and finally turned his attention to him. His gaze was piercing, determined, knowing.  He looked Dan up and down, a smile playing on his lips. He’d done this too many times it seemed. He even had some amount of armor. A thick piece of leather around his chest. His pants were ripped though, even more proof that he’d battled his fair share. He was barefoot, like Dan. Dan wore only what he’d come here in. A thin grey shirt, which now clung to his sweating form, and his pants.

“Fight doesn’t start until the bell goes off, lawbreaker.” The man said to him. “There’s penalties if you start before then.”

“As if it matters now?” Dan raised an eyebrow and the Hero smiled wider.

“True. But you still have a chance.”

“As if you believe that.” Dan was surprised by his own sarcastic tone. Shouldn’t he be cowering? Pleading forgiveness? Doing anything other than making his killer even more furious? The man didn’t look angry though. He looked amused and that outraged Dan.

“Just give the people a show.”

“I don’t care what they want. This is _my_ life.” Dan pointed fervently at his own chest. The Hero nodded respectfully, then thrust out his hand.

“My name is Phil Lester.”

Dan ignored the hand. “My name Dan Howell. And I hope my name and face haunts you every day until you’re killed in this very ring.”

“Oh, I assure you Dan, it will.”

Without warning a loud trumpet echoed around the arena and Dan’s heart faltered as the familiarity of it set in. In front of him the Hero, Phil, leapt towards him.


	2. I Will Not Bow

Dan gasped and fell backwards as the sword narrowly missed his head. Before he could get to his feet the man was attacking him again and he had to roll out of the way before his chest was pierced. He’d dropped his knife and crawled toward it as another grunt from the Hero came from above him. He grabbed his weapon and rolled again, missing the sword and scrambling to his feet. He didn’t look to see if the man was chasing him, he just ran. He ran as quickly as his trembling legs would allow him until he tripped and went crashing back down to the ground.

                In seconds Phil was above him and Dan locked his feet behind the Hero’s heel and pull. Phil was on the ground now. Dan took advantage of the time and got up, running toward another wall of the arena. The ground was scolding hot and burned his bare feet but he hardly noticed. _What am I doing?! I should just let him kill me and get it over with!_ Dan screamed at himself and yet his feet kept moving.

                His heart skipped a beat when he heard Phil breathing hard behind him, coming after him. He was catching up quickly by the sound of it. He had to fight. It was the only way. Dan stopped and abruptly whipped around to face his enemy. The crowed jeered in excitement and Dan’s anger intensified. _They don’t even know me_ , he thought, clutching the handle of his knife tighter as Phil ran towards him. He tensed his legs, held his feet firmly to the ground and raised the weapon.

                Phil’s eyes glinted upward to where the knife was but Dan didn’t hesitate to slice the knife The blade sliced his shoulder. Phil looked surprised by his accomplishment and Dan took the second of distraction to jump forward and slam his body against the other. The breath seemed to be knocked out of his enemy and they both collapsed to the ground. Dan got a mouth full of dirt but he had to take advantage of this moment. He clawed his way on top of the man, using the palm of his hand to grab at his throat. Phil tried to shove him off but Dan thrust the knife downward and sliced down the man’s arm. The Hero yelled out, immediately dropping his sword to grab at the wound.

                The sword…a burst of hope shot through Dan and he pushed off the man, grabbing the sword and dropping his small pathetic knife. By the time he turned around Phil was already to his feet, his hand and arm dripping with blood. The crowd gasped and Dan realized he was giving them exactly what they wanted, a show. He wasn’t doing it on purpose. He was trying to survive.

                He held the sword out in front him, trying to remember how he’d seen others do it. Phil smiled, seeing the worry and inexperience dotted in Dan’s eyes and the unsteady way he held the handle. Slowly Phil leaned down and picked up the small knife Dan had dropped. He held it loosely at his side.

                “You’re doing surprisingly well Dan.”

                Dan didn’t reply. He was breathing rapidly, stress and exertion making his arm tremble.

                “This was supposed to just be the quick opening act. If we don’t end this soon they’ll throw in one of the predators.”

                Panic itched inside Dan. Would they really do that? But of course they would. The games weren’t exactly known for fairness. Another trumpet sounded and Phil held both palms up as if to say, _told you so_. It was a warning sound. It basically said, “end this within the next two minutes or we’re going to make things interesting so the audience doesn’t get bored”. Dan couldn’t hide his fear anymore and it was obvious Phil could both see it and sense it. The Hero tilted his head curiously, waiting for Dan to make the first move. Dan shook his head, feeling himself want to cry with the desire both to live and to just get out of this arena.

                “What? You can’t do it? Can’t stab me?” Phil waggled his eyebrows and Dan swallowed anxiously as the man stepped towards him threateningly. He held onto the sword tighter, sidled back and forth in preparation.

                “I don’t want to.” Dan admitted, his voice small.

                “Few of us want to pretty boy, but it’s the way things are. So fight. Fight for your life Dan. It’s all you will ever do.” His enemies tone had changed and it threw Dan off guard. Why was he helping him? Why was he giving him advice? Heck, why was he talking to him at all? He needed to stop thinking about this nonsense. Dan shook himself free of his useless thoughts and swung the sword, testing its weight. It wasn’t as heavy as he expected and he took several quick steps forward, swiping toward the Hero. Phil backed away easily enough, holding up his arms at Dan went at him again.

                He was too slow and Phil ducked under the sword, grabbing one of Dan’s legs and knocking him to the ground. Dan’s head cracked against the hard ground and his vision went black for a few seconds. Something hit him hard in the nose he felt wetness ooze from his nostrils almost immediately. By the time Dan could get his eyes open Phil was over him.  He knelt and held the weapon in both hands. Dan doubted the knife could kill him on the first stab. It was short and dull. It would be a painful, slow death. His head cleared and he swung the sword around, using the blunt end of the handle to knock it against Phil’s head. Phil brought the knife down, stabbing into the muscle of Dan’s arm and he screamed out. It took two more hits but the man seemed disoriented enough now for Dan to maneuver away.

                Their time had to be almost up. He needed to act. He stood, Phil about to do the same, but Dan planted his feet and swung the weapon’s handle again, nailing the man in the head yet again and shoving him the rest of the way down with a foot. Before he could risk changing his mind he held the sword above the Hero and tried not to imagine what it would feel like to stab the man through the heart, through his bone and muscle. He couldn’t look. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

                “Halt!” Said a loud voice through the speaker system.

                Dan stopped, still holding the weapon high. The Hero was looking up at him, eyes wide and shocked. Both were breathing hard. Dirt smudged their face, arms, and clothes.  Blood seeped from their wounds. Only then did Dan realize the small knife was still sticking out from his forearm. Adrenaline continued to pump through his body and he felt nothing from the stab.

                “Halt!” Repeated the voice. “Retreat from one another now!”

                Dan looked around, confused.

                “I suggest doing as they say.” Phil said up to him.

                “Why should I believe you?” Dan spat. In the end though, fear of the unseen men that no doubt had their bows aimed at Dan’s chest made him step away. He’d seen it done before.

                Dan backed away from Phil but kept the weapon clutched in his hand and his eyes glued to the Hero. Phil’s head dropped to the ground and he let his arms go limp.

                “Drop your weapon.” Said the voice again. Dan furrowed his brows in distrust. Unwillingly he released the sword, reaching up then to pull the knife from his arm and throw it to the ground. He winced as the pain suddenly spiked. He dropped his arm, not able to hold it up any longer. He covered the gash with his other hand in attempt to slow the bleeding.

                “I don’t understand.” Dan said aloud to himself. “Why?”

                “They don’t want me dead, that’s why.”

                Dan looked down at the man he’d come only seconds from killing. Would he have though? Could he have really done it? He stared at the Hero hatefully, not caring that technically none of this was his fault.

                “They want _all_ of us dead.”

                Phil shook his head slowly. “You don’t understand how this works.” He whispered.

                Not understand? How could Dan not understand?

                “Please return to your gates.” The announcer demanded.


	3. Never Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil meets his new cell mate and almost murderer

Dan returned to the gate and was again led by the two guards down varies narrow stone hallways.

                “What is happening?” He asked as he hurried along. “Why am I here? Why am I not dead?”

                The men never responded and Dan kicked the ground angrily. The action jarred his body and sent a sharp spasm through the slice in his arm. He growled in pain and frustration. The wound was still bleeding but he doubted anyone cared if he bled out. Even there in the hallway. If he fell to the ground they’d simply drag him to the hungry caged animals, or perhaps burn him where he lay so they didn’t have to strain themselves at all.

                They turned a corner and Dan recognized that they weren’t going the way they’d originally taken to the arena. “Where are you taking me?”

                One of the men sighed. “We’re taking you to your cell.”

                “Cell?”

                “Stop asking questions and just do as you’re told.”

                There were no windows but after a few minutes Dan could tell he was being led around the coliseum. They were taking him to the other side. But why? What was on the other side? He didn’t want to risk asking another question.

                They reached a four-way junction and turned right, away from the direction of the coliseum. The hallway started widening and Dan felt as though he could breathe deeper with more space. The hallway was short and they were soon entering a high-ceilinged room two floors high. Looking up Dan could see it was more prisoner’s cells, just like the ones he’d seen before. There was no screaming being done here though. They passed by the silent cramped iron bared cells. The captives all gazed out at Dan, a dead look in their eyes as they looked him up and down. Some shook their head. Was it disgust? Pity?

                They turned at a staircase, heading up to the second floor. At the top, they stopped at the first cell and one of the guards unlocked it while the other worked at unknotting Dan’s binds. His hands free, he immediately went to cover his oozing wound.

                “Get in.” The guard demanded. Dan obeyed, stepping into the small empty space. The bars creaked shut behind him and he jumped. The lock was engaged and Dan swung around.

                “Wait!” He called desperately. The men didn’t stop. They continued back down the stairs. “Why am I here?! Tell me why I’m here!” There were five men in the cell across from him and they watched him with annoyance. He grunted angrily when there was no response and looked around the space that he supposed he would be calling home until they decided to kill him for real.

                There was a single bed, if you could call it that, against the wall. A thin, gross blanket was strewn across it and Dan wondered how many people had used that before today. There was a toilet in the corner along with a shallow sink and…that was it. Why was no one else in here? All the other cells he’d seen were stuffed full of people. _I guess I shouldn’t complain_ , he decided and slumped onto the dirty mattress.

                A sharp pain shot through the stab wound and he winced. He pulled up his grey T-shirt and took his first look at the damage. The bleeding had slowed but it looked horrendous. The dull blade had a done an excellent job at shredding his flesh. Dan did the only thing he could think of and pulled off his shirt, wrapping it tightly around his forearm to hopefully protect it from infection.

                The adrenaline had long since left his body and now that he was sitting, Dan felt the soreness and anxiety return. He was exhausted both emotionally and physically. He laid on his back and closed his eyes, reaching into his pocket to caress the gold band with his fingers. He pulled it out and held it above, flipping it around in his fingers.

                “All because of you.” He sighed, holding the metal to his chest and closing his eyes again. His limbs went lax and before he knew it he’d slipped into a restless sleep.

 

Dan awoke abruptly at the sound of his cell door being opened. He sat up, his heart pounding and his head aching. He went to lean back on his arm and cried out. When he looked up a man was stepping into his cell. His breathing hitched and he held his breath. It wasn’t one of the guards. It wasn’t even a complete stranger. It was the Hero, Phil.

                Dan froze, staring into the Hero’s eyes with a variety of emotions flooding through him. Fear, anger, confusion, uncertainty. The door closed behind the man and Dan’s unease tripled. Phil stared back at him much the same way he had in the arena, curious and confident.

                “You have got to be kidding me.” The man said, scoffing. He turned, facing the staircase and grabbed onto the bars. “You’re all heartless bastards! You know that?!” He screamed. Of course there was no reply but he didn’t seem to expect one and spun back around. He didn’t look at Dan, he simply started toward him and Dan tensed. “That’s my bed.” He said simply.

                Dan didn’t argue. He stood and backed away toward the sink. Why was he giving in so easily? He’d almost killed this man. Why couldn’t he stand up to him now? And yet there he was; heart pounding and apprehension squeezing his chest. He cradled his injured arm and slid down the stone wall onto the floor where he supposed he’d be sleeping for now on. Unless he suddenly felt brave and decided to take the Hero on.

                Phil sat on the edge of the bed. He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed at his face, sighing as if overwhelmed. Dan watched him hesitantly, not removing his eyes from the fighter. The man seemed to sense that he was being stared at and looked up, raising an eyebrow at Dan.

                “Can I help you?”

                Despite trying to sound unthreatened, Dan asked timidly, “Why are you here?”

                Phil scoffed. Why am _I_ here? This is _my_ cell. However, if you want to know why _you’re_ here, I can tell you that too.”

                “Okay then. Why am I here?”

                “Because you almost won.”

                “Almost?”

                “Yes, almost. Because you didn’t actually kill me.”

                “Only because they didn’t let me.” Said Dan defensively.

                “Right.” Phil said, unconvinced. “Either way, like I said in the arena, they don’t want me dead. I’m one of the Hero’s. They need me alive because people come to see me. I’m a main attraction. If you killed me, there would be a lot of unhappy people, believe it or not.”

                “So…then why didn’t they just tie me up and let you cut off my head or something?”

                “Because that’s boring. And now they’ve thrown you here to punish me.” Phil threw his hands in the air, raising his voice. “I get it you know!” He yelled at nobody.

                “Punish you?” Dan persisted.

                “I should have been able to kill you. They are punishing me for not doing my job.”

                “Oh.” Said Dan, feeling defeated. So, they never intended Dan to win at all. They were certain he would die and now that things hadn’t gone their way, they were angry. Not that Dan had expected to win either. Though, according to Phil, neither of them had technically won. “Well, sorry, I guess.” He shrugged and looked away, feeling a little more confidant that Phil wasn’t going to kill him here and now. He untied the shirt from around his arm to check the wound. It had a constant, dull ache to it now.

                “You shouldn’t have done that.” Phil said.

                “Done what?” Dan asked.

                Phil nodded toward the cut. “Pulled out the knife. You should have left it there until you could take care of it. You probably lost a lot of blood and exposed it to a lot of bacteria.”

                “Yeah, well, I wasn’t exactly thinking that far ahead when it ended up in my arm.” Dan sassed. He dabbed at the cut but the blood was already drying.

                “You’ve also destroyed the only piece of clothing you have.”

                Dan sighed. “Again, haven’t exactly been thinking about all of that today. I was too busy preparing for the probability of death.”

                “Well, you better start thinking of those things. You survived your first fight, there will be more.”

                “More?” Dan’s heart sank at the thought. It was a complete fluke he’d made it through this one. He wouldn’t survive the next.

                “That’s going to get infected.” Phil sighed impatiently. “Let me help you.” The man stood and headed for Dan. Dan stood, his body tensing. “I’m not going to hurt you for crying out loud.”

                “And I’m supposed to just believe you. am I?”

                “Yes. I fight out there cause that’s what you do. In here none of that matters. You’ll learn that eventually. There is no benefit for me to kill you in here. In fact, they’d probably just leave your body in here until they felt like removing it and I’d have to deal with the stink so yes, you can trust me.”

                Phil took the shirt from Dan’s hand and went to the sink, running it under water and ringing it out before returning. He gestured for Dan to sit and he did so hesitantly. Phil kneeled beside him and held out his hand. Dan rested his arm in the man’s hands and scrutinized him carefully.

                Phil rubbed at the blood around the cut and Dan tried to jerk away when the pain became too much. Phil didn’t let go of his arm though and instead pulled it out straight again, continuing to rinse off the blood. When the skin was clean he started on the wound itself, dabbing carefully. Dan clutched at his pants, trying not to pull away even though all he wanted to do was cry.

                “It’ll heal faster than you think. If it doesn’t get infected, that is. But it doesn’t look too bad. The blade didn’t go to deep.”

                “You mean the blade _you_ stabbed me with.”

                “Would you get over that already? The ring is the ring. We all do what we have to in order to survive out there. You’ll see.” Phil insisted.

                “No I won’t. I’m not going back out there.”

                Phil laughed. “Right. Because you think you have a say in the matter? You’ll be out there before you know it.”

                “Then I’ll be dead before I know it too.”

                “Possibly. You did pretty well out there though. Better then I thought you would. I thought I’d slice you in half in a few seconds.”

                “Wow, thanks.”

                “It’s not necessarily a compliment either. If you’re good out there, they’ll use you. And it’s not fun, trust me.”

                “I don’t imagine that it is fun, trust me.” Dan mimicked.

                “Some think it is though. Some love it. And those are the worst.”

                “I’d really prefer not talking about this anymore.” Dan looked away from his now clean wound. Seeing the muscle and flesh beneath the skin made him queasy. Phil noticed and chuckled.

                “You shouldn’t be here.”

                “How would you know? What if I killed somebody? Maybe I deserve to be here.”

                Phil raised an eyebrow. “You? Kill somebody? No. I’d guess you were sent here for something petty. More than likely they brought you here for your face, not for you fighting ability or the crime you convicted.”

                “My face? What does that mean?” Dan said, clearly offended.

                “Calm down. It’s a compliment. You’re too good looking for the fight, but pretty enough for the audience to feel a bit sad for when they see your head cut off.”

                Dan wasn’t sure if his face was burning red because of the strange compliment or because of the anger in his blood. But something about the way the Hero beside him was smiling made him settle down and he finally relaxed his muscles, resting his head against the wall.

                “Why are you in here by yourself anyways? Every other cell is stuffed.” Dan asked.

                “It pays to be a Hero I guess.”

                “You get your own cell because you’ve killed more than the others here?” Dan said tentatively.

                “I haven’t killed the most, but I do pretty well for myself.” Phil frowned. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about this stuff.”

                “You’re right. I don’t.”

                “Well, the cut is cleaned.” Phil stood and went to the sink to wash out the shirt again. “Hopefully it feels better soon.” He draped the soaking shirt over the sink to let it dry and then got on his knees to grab something under the bed. He dragged out a small wooden box and brought it over to Dan, sitting beside him again.

                “What is that?” Dan said unsurely.

                “Relax. It’s medicine.”

                “Where the hell did you get medicine in a place like this?” Dan inquired.

                “Like I said, it pays to be a Hero. They want us to be able to keep fighting.”

                Dan laughed in disbelief. Phil pulled out a small circular container and opened the lid. Whatever it was had a strong smell and Dan got an immediate whiff of it. He crinkled his nose. It didn’t smell bad, it was just so intense that his nostrils started burning. Phil stuck two fingers into the white substance and began smearing it over Dan’s stab. He cried out immediately, his scream echoing through the space. His arm burned and he thrashed, hissing through his teeth.

                “What the hell is that?!” He growled.

                “I don’t know. But it helps. I promise. Just give it time.” Phil returned the round container and pulled out a bandage, peeling off the cover and plastering it over the wound.

                “It better work for how horrible that was.”

                “You have a long way to go pretty boy.” Phil shook his head, applying the stuff to his own cuts. Some, Dan knew, were ones he had made. Others though appeared to be from a previous fight.

                Dan cringed at the man’s words. “Stop calling me that.”

                Phil ignored him. “Get some rest, you need it.” He laid his head back and closed his eyes.

                Dan sighed. He sat there for a while, investigating the room with his eyes as he listened to his cell mates breathing become restful. Eventually he too fell asleep, though his dreams were unpleasant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are the first few chapters coming along?


	4. The Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence is broken, Phil returns from a battle, and Dan gets some training lessons from a Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fact: I name all my chapters in this fic off some of my favorite songs.

Dan didn’t know what time he’d fallen asleep but he didn’t wake until the next morning. His eyes flickered open and he was staring at the stone wall opposite him. Sitting there cross-legged looking at him was Phil. The man didn’t avert his eyes when Dan noticed him looking and stared back. He seemed unbothered by Dan’s awkwardness and so Dan was forced to look away instead. He swallowed, realizing then how thirsty he was. His mouth was dry and scratchy. He pushed himself up, wincing at how sore his entire body was.

                As he drank from the sink and washed his face he felt Phil’s eyes on him. He tried to ignore it but he was beginning to feel uneasy. His face dripping with water he faced his cell mate.

                “Why are you staring at me? Just…I don’t know, stop.”

                Phil uncrossed his legs and went to the sink to wash his own face, appearing unconcerned with Dan’s request.

                “Breakfast will be here soon.” Phil said as he splashed the water through his black hair.

                “Great. I doubt it’s steak and eggs though.”

                Phil snorted, ruffling his hair and coming over to stand beside Dan. “Let me see your cut.” Dan was still hesitant for some reason. A part of him not willing to trust this person. Still, he held out his arm and allowed Phil to unpeel the bandage. “It looks really good. I would wash out the other cuts though too, just in case. You’ll be better in no time. Hopefully before the next fight.”

                “They wouldn’t put me back into the ring that quickly would they?” Dan couldn’t even imagine being put in the arena in his current state.

                Phil shrugged, returning to his bed. “You never know with them. Heck, they could throw you in today.”

                Dan’s eyes widened. “Today?”

                “What would be so bad about that? You thought you were going to die yesterday, and you didn’t. If you die today you still got one more day that you thought you would.”

                “No, wrong. I thought no one would care that I stole a stupid bracelet and that I was going to continue living my life as I was.”

                Phil looked at him in surprise. “You’re here because you stole a _bracelet_?” He whistled. “They must be getting desperate.”

                “It wasn’t just any bracelet.” Dan said, feeling a little defensive. “It was gold. And some rich bastard was wearing it. I’d seen him a few times before I took it. He’s always arrogant and rude. One day I saw him slap his waitress on the butt and when she got mad he just did it again. So, when he left the restaurant I just walked by and slipped the band off his wrist. It was a piece of cake.” Dan shrugged, remembering the moment clearly. “I thought I was home free. I’d get a good exchange for the gold and I’d feel good knowing when he got home that he was looking for his jewelry. The problem was…he noticed before he got home. In fact, I suspect now that he knew it from the start because a few hours later I was walking down the street and all of a sudden I was grabbed, gagged, and drug here.”

                “How do you know it was the man that set it up?”

                “Cause he made sure to pay me a visit before they transferred me. He must have paid them off to take me here. But,” Dan said with a smile, reaching into his pocket, “he didn’t ask for the bracelet back. He must have figured I’d already pawned it off.” He held the band out and Phil burst out laughing.

                “That’s amazing.”

                “Yeah, too bad it’s worthless now.” Dan’s smile faded and he slipped the band back into his pocket.

                “Hey, maybe it’s a good luck charm.” Phil suggested.

                “Heck, I’m not dead. So maybe it is.”

                From the floor below there was the sound of people talking, iron squeaking. Dan looked at Phil questioningly but he didn’t explain. Dan went to the bars of their cell and looked out. The men across from them were unbothered by the activity. It sounded as though the guards were going from cell to cell.

                “It’s just breakfast. Don’t worry.” Phil finally told him. He relaxed a little, though he wondered if he indeed would be thrown into the arena today. If they had expected him to die yesterday then why wouldn’t they?

                It was a while until they made it to the second floor. It was the same two guards from yesterday. They carried two large baskets each that they set down when they approached the cell Dan was in. They each opened their baskets and one pulled out a thick piece of bread while the other a piece of cheese. They handed it through to Dan and he took it eagerly, realizing then how starving he was.

                “We’ll be back with yours Phil.”

                Phil didn’t look up, just gave them a thumbs up and continued staring at the ceiling. They went onto the next cell and Dan sat on the floor ready to eat. He took a bite of the pale cheese but when he tried to rip a piece of the bread off he realized how hard it was. It took far too much effort than it should have to pull it apart and he stared at the bread with disgust. “Is this even edible?”

                Phil turned his head to look at him. “If you dip it in water it’s easier to get down.”

                “Fantastic.”

                “Good news is that you even got food. If they were throwing you into the arena today they wouldn’t waste it.”

                “Oh.” Dan got to his feet and went to the sink to try doing what Phil had suggested. It certainly helped the rough bread go down but it didn’t make the taste any better. Dan found himself intensely unsatisfied after the last bite had been swallowed.

                A few minutes later the guards returned with a large bowl and unlocked their cell. Dan watched curiously as Phil got to his feet and retrieved the bowl. “Thanks guys.” He said, returning to his bed.

                “No problem. You know the people really seemed to enjoy that fight yesterday.” One of the men said as he leaned casually against the bars.

                “The one with me and pretty boy here?” Phil inquired.

Dan shot him an irritated glare.

                “Yup. I mean come on, a newbie like him going against a Hero and he almost beat you? That was pretty incredible.” The guard shook his head in amazement.

                Phil smiled and Dan felt very self-conscious as they spoke of him as if he wasn’t there.

                “Maybe he’ll be a good fighter.” Phil added.

                “Maybe.” The man pushed off the bars and headed toward the stairs. “See you later.”

                Phil lifted the bowl to his lips and sipped. “Wait a minute…” Dan said, feeling anger boil through him, “I get a piece of rock bread and you get fucking soup?”

                Phil shrugged. “Again, Hero.”

                “That’s really unfair.”

                “All you have to do is win a couple more fights and they’ll start feeding you better.”

                “Are you kidding me? I’m toast the second they throw me out there.” Dan sighed.

                “Maybe.”

                “Wow, thanks.”

                “Hey, I just happen to be your cell mate, I’m not here to boost your self-esteem.”

 

Dan had never been more bored in his life. Him and Phil could nothing other than lean against the wall and stare and think. And Dan wished he could at least turn off his mind. They talked some but Phil was quite determined to keep to himself. By the time night came around, which they could judge by the absence of light coming through the small holes in their stone wall, Dan was actually thrilled to be able to do something, even if it was just to sleep.

                As soon as he laid down though, his nerves started up again and sleep didn’t come. What would tomorrow bring? He hated this uncertainty. How was Phil so calm and okay with this life? All the people on this floor seemed to be collected. They were all going to die eventually, probably in the arena. How could they be okay?

                “Phil?” Dan whispered.

                “Yeah?” Phil replied suspiciously.

                “We’re sleeping among the dead, aren’t we?”

                Phil exasperated. “Our lives are depressing enough pretty boy. Maybe not think about death before going to bed.”

 

By the second week in his cell Dan felt insane, angry, and starving. He was always starving. The bread and cheese he got twice a day was just enough to keep him from passing out. The only thing he could do was pace. Now he understood what animals at zoos felt like. He was beginning to feel like an animal himself. Phil kept telling him that if he didn’t calm down and accept the situation he’d end up losing his mind. Dan couldn’t understand how Phil was able to just sit there all day doing nothing. He didn’t always do nothing, he supposed. Sometimes his cell mate was digging mini trenches in the wall beside his bed. At first Dan thought this was pointless but after two weeks he could tell the man had actually made progress in whatever it was he was doing. He was still too unsure to ask about it though.

Dan’s stab wound had healed amazingly for the condition he was in. He’d have one heck of a scar but that didn’t matter in here. Some of the men Dan saw walk by as they were led to the arena had a lot worse things than scars. Phil was diligent and persistent about dressing and rebandaging Dan’s cut every morning. That was one thing he couldn’t complain about. If it wasn’t for the Hero, he’d certainly have died of infection or boredom at this point. The first few days they’d been here Phil had been very reserved but finally it seemed he’d accepted the fact that Dan was stuck in here with him and made conversation.  

Dan had learned of the man’s past, though there wasn’t much. His father had needed money and since Phil was the youngest, he’d sold him here at the age of ten. Phil couldn’t be used in the ring for quite some time as he was too young and even the heartless audience of the arena wouldn’t be happy to see a ten-year-old fighting tigers and murderers. However, it did enable them to train him. According to Phil though, he’d learned most of what he knows by experience. He wasn’t even here for being a criminal. He was just dealt the worst hand in life.

There was still something…hesitant about the way he treated Dan. He seemed more unsure than Dan originally thought when he’d met him in the arena. His quietness wasn’t so much confidence as it was reserved.

Dan observed as much as he could about other prisoners as well. He could only get a good look at the few visible from his cell across the way but he’d learned quickly that no one spoke here. Even with five men in one cell, they hardly spoke a word to each other. They exercised and stared at the ceiling. When Dan talked Phil often shushed him and looked uneasily out the metal bars. Once, Dan had gotten irritated one too many times over it and asked him why it was such a big deal and Phil proceeded to warn him that it wasn’t normal for them to be talking like this to each other and more than likely it would just make fighting the other prisoners in the arena more difficult. Dan hadn’t understood, persisting with more questions but Phil went silent after that for a while.

Currently, Phil was sitting cross-legged on his bed looking uneasy and tense. Dan had noticed his cell mate acting strange since they’d woken up but the further along the day went the more anxious he got. Dan fed off the man’s anxiety. Phil was always so calm and sure. The fact that he wasn’t meant something had to be wrong.

“Is something happening? What’s wrong?” Dan asked. His question startled Phil and the man flinched at his voice.

“Um, what?” Phil shook the thoughts from his mind.

“You look…nervous. Is something wrong?”

Phil sighed, staring back out beyond the bars. “I don’t know. It’s probably nothing.”

“Tell me, if something’s going to happen I’d rather not be surprised.”

Phil gazed back at Dan, searching his face as if determining whether he should answer or not. “Something is off. I should have been in the arena days ago. I haven’t been in a fight since you and that’s…abnormal. Abnormal in here is never good.”

“So what could it mean?”

“No idea. But I suppose I’ll find out eventually.” Phil seemed as content with his decision as he could be and laid back on the bed. “You should have been in another fight by now too. I don’t know why they are keeping you in here. I’m going to ask Glen when he brings dinner. Maybe he knows something.”

 

Phil ended up not having to bring it up. The guard, Glen, did first. The two seemed to have an agreement of sorts. Maybe even a friendship. As Glen handed Phil the soup he checked behind him and then whispered, “They’re preparing for a big fight. I think you’re going to be in it Phil. I think that’s why they haven’t sent you out there. Maybe letting you fatten up and get strong for this one.”

                “When?” Phil asked.

                “I can’t be sure, but soon.” The guard pursed his lips and shook his head. “Get yourself ready man.”

                “Thanks Glen.”

                Glen opened his mouth to say something else but his partner yelled up at him. “Coming!” He responded harshly and hurried to lock up the gate. He was gone in a matter of seconds and Dan turned to Phil.

                “A big fight? What does that mean?”

                “Could mean anything.” Phil said casually.

                “How are you acting so calm about this? You could DIE. Doesn’t that bother you?”

                “Lower your voice, would you? You sound ridiculous.” Phil warned, giving him a sharp look. “I figure it this way, I could have been killed a long time ago. Yet I’m still here. Every day I live is a bonus day I wasn’t supposed to ever experience. A big fight is nothing. I was expecting something different.”

                “Different? What could that mean?”

                Phil carefully searched Dan’s face. Looking again like he was debating on what to say. “I thought that…look, never mind. It’s not important.”

                “Thought that what?!” Dan yelled, feeling frustrated and ignorant.

                Phil’s eyes hardened. “I said it’s not important. Don’t ask me again.”

                Dan narrowed his eyes. “You can be such as ass.” Phil smiled at this and a twinge of achievement sparked in Dan at the reaction.

 

Two guards came the next day to take Phil. Dan found himself feeling nervous for the Hero. The man was clearly focused. Perhaps he was more anxious about this fight than he led off.

                “You’ll do great.” Dan called after him as he walked down the stairs between the guards. Phil looked back at him, a look on his face that Dan couldn’t quite read. He seemed to be thinking and opened his mouth to reply but didn’t end up saying anything. Glen whispered something to him and Phil looked at him, abashed. The guard smiled and Dan wondered what was said between them for a tinge of pink to brighten his ever-stable cell mate’s cheeks.

                From where he was in the coliseum Dan could hear the echoed chaos of the arena. Screams, war cries, swords clashing, roars from creatures, and worst of all, the cheering crowds. Dan paced his cell, heart pounding. He tried to reason with himself. He knew it was ridiculous that he was worried so much about this…this person. A person that was basically a stranger to him. Not only that, they’d tried to kill one another. Phil had been here a long time. It was inevitable that he would be killed here. It could happen during any one of his battles. Everything about the situation made Dan feel like an idiot for the way he felt. There was something about this Hero…something that told Dan there could have been a lot more to him if it wasn’t for being trapped here.

                The men in the opposite cells watched him with judgmental stares and confused glares as he huffed out a stressed breath or tapped anxiously at the walls with his fingers. He finally resorted to simply sitting on the bed and waiting. Worrying was doing no good. He ran his fingers along the deep grooves in the stone beside the bed, tracing them and wondering what all the lines were supposed to be. He even tried looking at them from another angle thinking that maybe they made a picture from farther away. Nothing was obvious to his eyes though.

                Eventually the battle outside died down, quite literally. It got quieter as the hour passed. Finally, it seized all together and Dan waited impatiently for the survivors to return.

                Several pairs of feet started down on the floor below. Several gates squealed open and bare feet shuffled along. The sounds began on the steps and Dan sat straighter, trying to peer over the railing. A guard took an unfamiliar prisoner past Dan’s cell and Dan’s breath caught at how torn up the survivor was. _He should be dead_ , thought Dan. He probably wished he was by the look of it.

                Then Phil appeared at the top of the stairs, Glen by his side. Dan gasped and stood as the iron bars were slid open for him. He stood by the door, ready to aid him. The Hero had slashes down one of his arms, dirt matted his hair, blood splattered across his body, soaked through his pants, and came from various areas of his skin but Dan couldn’t tell where because there was so much of it. Phil didn’t look at him. He simply limped in and went to the sink without a word. The guard hesitated at the door, looking like he wanted to say something.

                “Phil?” Glen called gently.

                Phil continued rinsing the blood from his hands, arms, and face.

                “Phil, do you still have medicine?” Glen said more loudly.

                Dan cocked his head, intrigued at this man’s concern. Phil nodded and the guard unwillingly closed the door, locking it and unsurely turning his gaze to Dan. “Make sure he takes care of his injuries.” The man pleaded and Dan nodded assuredly as the guard left.

                For a minute Dan watched, uncertain of what to do as Phil washed himself off in the sink. Finally, he couldn’t stand doing nothing. He went over to the bed and pulled out the healing kit. He set it on the mattress and opened the wooden lid. He sorted through, trying to find what would be useful. He found a pack of antibacterial wipes and decided to start with that.

                Dan stood at Phil’s side and began wiping at the slashes on his arm. Phil flinched at first, looking sideways at him and furrowing his brows. But Dan simply continued and after a few moments Phil lost the uneasy look on his face and let him.

                Dan finished wiping away the dirt and blood of the wound and grabbed the same balm Phil had been using on his stab. “Are you almost done? It would be easier if you sat on the bed. And we need to find out where that blood is coming from.” He pointed at the stiff bloody pants.

                “Okay.” Phil said compliantly. He started tugging off his pants and set them under the sink before limping over to the bed.

                Dan held his breath when he saw the deep, though not very wide pierces in Phil’s thigh. He felt himself wanting to look away and had to clear his throat.

                “Tiger.” Phil said, noticing the look on Dan’s face. “They let one into the arena because the fight was taking too long. It got a hold of me, obviously.” He risked a short laugh.

                “A tiger?” Dan’s eyes widened. If a tiger had ‘gotten a hold’ of himself, as Phil had put it, he’d be dead. There’s no way he would be able to think fast enough to react before he was dragged around by his neck.

                “Could have been a lot worse.”

                “True.” Dan admitted, applying the burning cream to the man’s arm.

                “Claws there,” Phil pointed at the slashes on his arm, “teeth here,” gesturing to his thigh.

                “So, the tiger…”

                “It’s dead.”

                “I figured.” Dan said sadly. _It was probably for the best though_ , he thought, knowing the creature couldn’t have been happy here. Phil hissed as the medicine worked and Dan grinned. “Good to know you still feel things.”

                “Oh yeah, I still feel it. But _you_ were definitely being a baby about it.”

                Dan pushed at him. “Whatever! Jerk!” He liked seeing Phil smile. Someone dealing with the kind of life he’d been dealt deserved to smile. “You look good with a smile, you should do it more often.”

                “Not much to smile about here pretty boy.”

                “Maybe not. But maybe that’s why people lose their minds. It’s easier to smile when you’re crazy.”

                “Are you saying I should brain wash myself into turning into a crazy person?” Phil raised an eyebrow.

                Dan shrugged. “Whatever it takes.”

                Phil was starting to relax under Dan’s careful touches. He’d never admit it, but he wasn’t cleaning the wounds as efficiently as he could be. He worked slow and gentle, enjoying the personal company of his cell mate who was usually quite distant.

                “You looked so sad coming in here. I thought that after so many years you would be used to it by now.” Dan regretted saying the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. Phil’s smile disappeared and his shoulders tensed again.

                “You never get used to it. Like I said before, some people love this. I don’t. And besides that…today was different.” Phil looked away, his breath coming out ragged.

                “What do you mean?” Dan inquired.

                “They put a lot of prisoners in the arena today. But one of them was young. Even younger than you. I don’t know what he did but I don’t really care. Someone like that shouldn’t be put here. It disturbs me to see stuff like that.”

                “Is it because you were so young when you went into the arena?”

                “Maybe.”

                “Did he…survive?” Dan knew the answer, but he still had to ask.

                Phil laughed sadly. “No. Everyone went for him first. Easy pickings I guess. I try to tell myself it’s for the best. The worst thing for most is to come out of that place alive.”

                Dan hated to agree but he did. “I understand. There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way.”

                “Dan?” Phil said lowly. Dan looked away from the bite marks when he heard his actual name and not the nickname everyone had begun calling him by. “I think that everyone going into that arena should at least have a chance. Even if it’s better that they die, they should at least fight until the end. I believe that whole heartedly.” The Hero’s eye contact was intense, as if making sure Dan understood how he felt about this matter. “When you go in there next, I want you to fight with everything you have.”

                Dan laughed. “I think instinct takes over. Don’t worry, I won’t just give up.”

                Phil didn’t break his intensity. “No. Not true. It’s not everyone’s instinct to fight for themselves believe it or not. A lot of people going in there know they will die. They just stand there and let it happen, let the Hero pierce their heart, or let the cat break their neck. But you, that day in the arena I saw it instantly. You were fighting to live. Even if those were going to be your last moments you didn’t want them to destroy you. You wanted to own those moments.”

                Dan had stopped cleaning the wounds and was staring back at Phil, taking in the praise and admiration. That day two weeks ago when he was expecting himself to die he wasn’t trying to impress anyone, he wasn’t trying to do anything except himself. The honesty behind Phil’s words made him feel like maybe he was stronger than he thought. Maybe he should feel proud of himself. He soaked up the compliment like a sponge and wanted more than anything to truly feel that way towards himself.

                He couldn’t express all of this though. There were no words. So he simply whispered, “thank you…”.

                Phil seemed suddenly embaressed by his passion and dropped his gaze. “I guess what I’m getting at is, I want to train you.”

                “Train me?”

                “Yes. You need to be more prepared when you go in next time.”

                “Phil, I…Christ, there’s no way I could ever be like you.” He said, shaking his head. No amount of training would get him ready.

                “I don’t want you to be like me. I just want the person you fight to think, ‘shit, this kid almost got me’.”

                “Kid?!” Dan pulled back in alarm. “How old do you think I am exactly?” He demanded.

                Phil retreated a little. “I…I don’t know. Young.”

                “That’s not an answer. I’m twenty-two.” Dan was most certainly offended.

                Phil’s eyes widened. “I had no idea. I thought you were younger. Sorry.”

                “I’m offended.” Dan said, joking only a little. “How old are you exactly then old man?”

                “Twenty-six.”

                “Yeah, that seems about right. But you can’t call me pretty boy any more now can you?” Dan grinned.

                “Nah, just because I know how old you are now doesn’t mean you’re not pretty.” Phil smirked and Dan flicked his arm. “Ow!” Phil shrieked.

                Dan cowered, guilt flooding his cheeks pink. “Oops, sorry.”

                “Training starts tomorrow Dan.”

                “Whatever you say boss. At least I won’t be bored.”


	5. Whatever It Takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan returns to the arena

Dan’s ‘training’ didn’t involve practice matches as much as lessons on the best place to stab someone so that they die more quickly or in a way that incapacitates them. Over the next week Phil taught him what to aim for and more importantly, what to watch for. He explained to him that the best way to win was to observe his enemy but not so much so that you get distracted. Try and anticipate what the other person will attempt and you can act accordingly.

                “I don’t know about this.” Said Dan unsurely as Phil stood on the opposite end of cell as him, bent over and prepared to attack.

                “How can you say that? The day we met you thought I was a killing machine that would destroy you in an instant and yet you won. Now I’m injured, you _know_ I won’t kill you and you look like a terrified little girl.”

                “Hold on a second there. You are a killing machine and you most definitely were going to kill me that day.”

                “Who was standing over who with the sword again?” Phil argued.

                “Maybe for that second but you would have figured a way out of it.” Dan retorted.

                Phil snorted. “I can’t believe you. There was no way I was getting out of that. How can you argue this?”

                “Because! I couldn’t have killed you!” Dan screamed. “There! I said it!”

                “Shut up you two! You’ve been going at it for over a week now and we’re sick of hearing it!” One of the prisoners down the line yelled down at them.

                Dan started chuckling and Phil followed suit soon after.

                “But seriously, you could have done it Dan. Don’t worry.” Phil said quietly and tried to sound encouraging.

                “I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing that you think that about me.” Dan said.

                “It is though. You’re a strong person. You may not want to do something but you’ll do it if you have to.”

                “Maybe before coming here but…killing someone Phil? That’s entirely different.”

                Phil smiled in a way that made Dan relax a little. Like he pitied him, or envied him. He wasn’t sure what the smile meant but it made him feel comfortable. “Can we just pick this up tomorrow? I’m tired. I need to rest my mind.”

 

“Dan, Dan wake up.”

                Someone was shaking his shoulder and Dan groaned. A pebble dug into his spine and he rolled over.

                “Dan!”

                At the urgency of the voice Dan peeled his eyes open and found himself staring into a pair of worried blue eyes. “What is it?” He said groggily, rubbing at his eyes. His body protested in every way against getting up.

                “They’re taking people. There’s a fight today.” Phil said hurriedly.

                “So? There’s always a fight.” Dan griped.

                “I think they’re going to take you.”

                At that Dan’s hands froze and he stared at Phil in horror. “You could be wrong.”

                Phil shook his head slowly. “I saw a few of the prisoners walk by. It looks like they’re trying to get rid of some of the rookies and find out who can actually be a Hero. They’ll probably throw all of you in together and whoever makes it out, wins.”

                “O-okay.” Dan swallowed and fear tickled under the surface of his skin. His throat tightened with intense anxiety.

                Phil stepped towards him and placed a tentative hand on Dan’s shoulder. He squeezed it comfortingly though there was an air of awkwardness about him. Physical touch obviously did not come naturally. “Hey, remember what we talked about yesterday? In the end, no matter the outcome, everything will be okay.”

                Dan nodded, though he felt his eyes burning with the need to cry away the terror settling in his bones. “If I’m dead, I’m dead. I won’t know it once my heart stops.”

                “Exactly.” Phil said. The fact that those were words of comfort almost made the situation worse.

                Dan couldn’t contain his need for an emotional release and burst forward, wrapping his arms around Phil and squeezing him tightly. He breathed raggedly against the man’s chest. He knew reciprocation was unlikely but in that moment, he needed the encouragement anyway he could get it. He would die in that ring today and then it wouldn’t matter anyway. Hands encircled him. He held his breath and soaked in the comfort. Something which wasn’t supposed to be found in a place like this.

                Finally, Dan pulled away, taking in a deep breath. “I’m sorry I just…I needed that I guess.”

                Phil nodded, looking all business again. “That’s okay. I understand.”

                Footsteps sounded up the stairs. Dan took deliberately slow breaths and faced the gate. He held his arms firmly to his sides.

                “Take care of your wounds.” He said.

                “I will.” Phil said quietly.

                The two guards finished climbing the stairs and for a moment Dan thought they’d pass by his cell. That spark was stomped on when Glen pulled out the keys and shoved them into the lock at Dan’s gate. He nodded knowingly, angry that he’d allowed himself even that little hope. Now was not the time for it.

                “Arms out.” Glen demanded. Dan obeyed, holding out his arms as a rope was knotted around his wrists.

                Dan refused to think of anything else other than the upcoming battle as they walked through the halls. If it was as Phil said, then he had no chance. Even against other’s his age or strength. Dan didn’t feel his reaction speed was fast enough. He could think ahead but to act on that thought was entirely different thing. Why was he thinking so hard about surviving this anyway? Even Phil himself said it was better to die out there and end the suffering quickly. Maybe he should just go out there and accept his fate. Immediately though he knew that wouldn’t happen. It wasn’t in him to simply give up. He would fight until he couldn’t anymore.

                As they went through the halls, the approaching light from outside dragged him from his despairing thoughts. The guards stopped him at the iron gate and Dan’s memory flashed to three weeks ago when he’d stood here for the first time. He found that his feelings remained much the same. He hoped that would benefit him. He gazed out into the arena, trying to not let the cheering crowd get to him. He reached into his pocket and rubbed at the cold metal of the band.

                That’s when he noticed that there was already something out in the arena. It wasn’t a person. Dan swallowed. He hadn’t prepared himself for fighting an animal. Even in Phil’s lessons he’d been learning to kill people, not animals. Was it different? Where should he stab? Should he make the first move? _Shit, shit, shit._ Dan cursed over and over to himself.

                Glen pulled up his wrists and untied the knot. He started to walk away and Dan panicked. “I think you forgot my weapon.” Dan called after the man.

                Glen looked back. “There’s a sword clipped to the tiger’s collar. Whoever kills the it first, wins. If you don’t kill it but still happen to be alive, you’ll get an arrow to the heart. Good luck.”

                The air in Dan’s lungs evaporated and his heart started pounding for real. He wondered how many others there would be. The gate started rising and Dan startled. The gate bars were barely half way up before he saw several figures from the other side bolt towards the center of the arena where the tiger paced. Seeing the oncoming humans, the animal growled and started toward one of them. The human hesitated when he saw the creature running towards him and that was all it took. The tiger leapt and in an instant the person was dead, screams coming to a halt.

                Dan knew he had to get out there and the sooner the better. At least right now the tiger had multiple targets. The more that died the less he had to focus on. Dan did not want to be the predators focus. He forced his legs to move and jogged out into the arena. The usually scolding sun was hidden behind a thick layer of clouds and Dan was incredibly thankful for this. There was even a wind that ruffled through his hair and he wished he could just stand out here and enjoy being outside for the first time in weeks.

                Instead he had to pull himself together and make a plan. He searched the area and counted five other men. Boys really. They were as Phil said; young and probably the newbie underdogs in the prison. They’d all managed to pass their first fight though and that was more than what Dan had technically done. They had all killed.

                The tiger had moved on to the next person, chasing down a young man. He was gaining ground quickly and the hair on the back of Dan’s neck rose as the animal got close enough to swat at his ankles. Its paw missed but the fear must have gotten to its prey. The man tripped and the tiger mauled him in seconds. Dan spotted someone running up behind the tiger. He was going to try and snatch the sword. That’s when Dan bolted. He was quickly losing any advantages. The noise of the crowd heightened when Dan took off toward the center of the battle. _Phil can hear all of this_ , Dan thought as he pumped his legs more quickly. _I wonder if he thinks I’m dead_.

                Dan was a few hundred feet away when something collided with him from the side. The wind was knocked out of his lungs and he gasped for air as he skidded across the dirt. Whoever had rammed into him rolled him over and sat on his stomach. Dan’s eyes widened when he saw the persons intent. He tried to block the boy’s hands as they dove for his neck but he was too slow. His breath was cut short yet again as fingers wrapped around his throat. Dan bucked upward, trying to throw the person off. The boy was determined though. He had a fierce, desperate look on his thin face. He wanted to survive this and he was going to take everyone else down.

                Dan dug his finger nails into the persons skin, scratching and clawing at him like a crazed trapped animal. Nothing loosened the grip around his neck and black dots started to blot his vision. He was just about to disappear into the darkness when the boy above him gasped. The hold loosened immediately and his eyes went wide in horror. Seconds later orange and black fur appeared over Dan’s head. It was momentary though and soon the creature was gone, along with the boy that was atop him.

                Dan gasped for air, clutching at his aching throat. He could hear that the tiger was close by, perhaps tearing apart his latest victim. He could also hear the crowd. They were screaming, “GET UP! GET UP! GET THE SWORD!”

                He didn’t think he could possibly stand but when he rolled to his side and saw just how close the predator was, survival mode kicked in. Coughing and spitting Dan clambered to his feet and faced the creature who was in fact still standing over his catch. It tore at the boy and Dan had to fight not to vomit. He hadn’t seen Dan behind him. This was his chance, Dan knew this was likely his only chance. He took a quick glance around noticing seven bodies strewn across the arena ground. He was the only one left.

                There was no time for hesitation. Dan stalked quietly up behind the tiger. His chest moved up and down rapidly and he felt like he might pass out but he remained focused on the dragging sword. He would have to bolt as soon as he unclipped it. _If_ he could unclip it. But then he thought of all the others that had been attacked by the tiger. It was because they were running. Maybe if Dan stood his ground…

                He didn’t have time to consider his options. The animal turned toward him, licking his bloodied lips and growling. It was now or never. Before the creature was facing him completely Dan leapt forward and grabbed the swords handle in one hand, the collar in the other. The tiger let out an enraged grumble. Dan pulled himself against the animal and held on for dear life as he worked his trembling hands to unclip the sword. Held this tightly against the animal, the tiger couldn’t reach him with his teeth or claws. Dan got the clip undone and held the weapon high. He shoved the blade into the creature’s side and pushed himself away.

                In moments, the tiger fell to the ground. He was still alive though and struggled to get up. The sword was still in his side and guilt flooded through Dan. The animal was only doing what came naturally to him and Dan, doing what he had to do to survive. But he couldn’t watch it any longer and walked up to the dying creature. He pulled the sword out and quickly stabbed into the tiger’s heart. The animals struggling cries came to an immediate halt and Dan bent over, hands on his knees. He shook uncontrollably. The amount of adrenaline in his blood stream had to be like an overdose. He grunted in pain and sheer overexertion. He couldn’t register the cheers of the crowd or the objects being thrown at him. He collapsed onto his knees and before he knew what was going to happen he blacked out and fell completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was really nervous to post this fic cause its...different, i guess. My ideas are always weird it seems lol and either received really well or not so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!


	6. Keep Me Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is thrown into yet another battle and it makes Phil uneasy.

Dan awoke in his cell, on Phil’s bed. A blanket lay over top him. When he tried to prepare himself to stand he discovered every muscle in his body was aching.

                “Don’t stand. You’re safe. You can stay there.”

                Dan recognized the voice as Phil’s and flickered his eyes open. He was standing beside the bed holding a bowl of soup. Dinner? Could it be that late already? He’d been out the entire day?

                “It’s dinner already?” Dan asked, his voice almost non-existent with his parched throat.

                Phil raised both of his eyebrows. “Dan, it’s breakfast. You slept through the night.”

                Dan sat up quickly at that. “What? How is that possible?”

                “They carried you in after the fight. I thought you’d been seriously injured or something but they said you just collapsed. I looked for wounds but Dan…the worst you have are a few scratches. What happened out there?” Phil sat on the edge of the bed.

                “I…a tiger…” Dan rubbed at his eyes, forcing himself to return to his time in the arena. “There were eight of us. We had to kill the tiger. The only weapon was hooked onto his collar. Everyone else…” The image of the seven mauled bodies returned to his mind and he groaned.

                “I understand.” Phil said assuredly. “You don’t have to explain. Dan, you won. You actually won. One more fight and you’ll be in the early stages of a Hero title. You’re going to start getting more attention.”

                “A Hero? Another fight? No. I don’t care. Phil, I don’t care.”

                Phil’s face fell. “I know. But like it or not you’re good at this. And from the sounds of it the crowd liked you too. They were cheering you on instead of the tiger. They only do that for Heroes.”

                Dan shook his head. He didn’t want this. Even sitting here knowing he was alive and, generally speaking, fine, he found a part of him wishing he was one of those other boys. Why had he won? What made him different?

                “Don’t think about any of that right now okay? I know how you feel. Here, eat this.” Phil held out the bowl of soup to him.

                “No, that’s yours Phil.”

                “I know but you deserve it right now. I already ate your bread and cheese so it’s the only choice you have anyway.” He laughed and pushed the bowl into Dan’s hands.

                Dan felt as though someone had handed him a million dollars. And even still, he would have given his million dollars for this bowl of soup. “Thank you.” Dan said readily. “Thank you so much.”

                “Are you gonna share your Hero soup with me too?!” A prisoner across the way spat. Phil narrowed his eyes.

                “Maybe, if you earned it!” Phil yelled back.

                “We all like our pets, but don’t you think you’re taking it a bit too far?!” Someone in another cell shot back.

                “Mind your business Randy!” Phil turned back to Dan who had a worried expression on his face. “Don’t mind them. They must just be having a bad day.”

                “Right…” Dan said, clearly disturbed by the comments.

                “You can sleep on the bed until you feel better. You’ll be really sore for a few days.”

 

Dan ended up being sore for nearly five days. On the third he’d insisted Phil take back his bed. Especially after he’d been thrown into battle on the fourth day of Dan’s soreness. It hadn’t been a tough one. It was the same kind of fight Dan was supposed to lose in against Phil. Just a one on one.

                When Phil had returned he’d been quiet and distant. Dan didn’t say anything. He felt the tormented energy surrounding his cell mate and kept silent. Even as the man took a sharp stone and started grinding another mark into the stone beside the bed.

                They’d begun sharing meals. Dan giving Phil half of his cheese and bread while Phil shared his bowl of soup. The slight variety was nice and satisfied them both a little more at breakfast and dinner. There were a few guys in cells across the way that made crude comments. Dan wasn’t too bothered by it but it seemed to irk Phil. Dan could tell it took a lot for him not to reply bitterly.

                One night thunder cracked loudly above the coliseum. Phil was sitting on his bed, Dan on his spot on the floor. They both looked up toward the ceiling as the sky rumbled violently. Rain came down like stones against the old, hardy structure.

                “There will be one heck of a battle tomorrow.” Phil said over the loudness of the storm.

                “Why do you say that?” Dan asked, rubbing at his arms since along with the rain came a crisp in the air.

                “They love to have games when the arena is slippery.”

 

Dan’s sleep that night was horrendous. The worst part of the storm was gone but there was still a consistent drizzle and the chill hadn’t had a chance to burn off before night came and solidified it. He shivered uncontrollably against the stone wall. He tucked his knees under his shirt to try and hold in more heat but his teeth still chattered. He would settle into a light sleep and then be torn back into consciousness by the cold. There must have been a hole in the wall where droplets of water were getting into as well because there was a puddle of water at Dan’s back that he kept rolling into.

                “Dan?”

                Dan shifted on the floor, lifting his head to the sound of Phil’s whisper. The man was leaning on an elbow looking down at him. His leather chest guard was removed as it was every night and just seeing that made a wave of coldness spread over Dan.

                “Yeah?” He muttered.

                “You must be freezing down there. If you come up here we can at least share a blanket.”

                “Are…are you sure? I’m okay, really.” Dan said, though he would do anything to just feel warmth again and get even an hour of sleep at this point.

                “Yeah. Come on. You can fit right behind me.”

                Dan heard Phil shifting and got to his feet. He walked slowly over to the bed, crawling over the end of it to sidle alongside Phil’s back. He made sure to put his back to Phil’s and sighed in relief instantly at the warmth created by both another human being and the small blanket Phil tossed over their torsos.

                “Thank you.” Dan whispered appreciatively.

 

“You have got to be kidding me!”

                Dan was startled awake by the loud strange voice and inhaled quickly. He jerked upwards, finding himself in the bed beside Phil and feeling disoriented for a minute. He squinted his eyes and looked around. The storm had stopped, thank goodness. Dan looked down at Phil whose eyes were opened but he was staring straight ahead, like he’d been awake for a while and just hadn’t gotten up. 

                “I’m sorry, did I keep you awake sleeping here?” Guilt poked at Dan.

                Phil’s eyes focused up at him and he seemed to reconnect with reality. “No, not at all. I woke up recently.”

                Dan didn’t believe him but he wasn’t going to argue it.

                “You guys are officially losing your minds.” The voice that had awoken Dan said. So it wasn’t a stranger after all. It was Randy. Dan sat up on his elbows to look out of the cell. Randy stood at his gate, shaking his head and staring at them.

“Can I help you?” Dan asked bluntly.

                “You guys are Hero’s, gladiators. You. Are. Going. To. _DIE_. Is now really the time for such nonsense?”

                “Excuse me?” Dan retorted.

                “Just ignore him.” Phil mumbled. But Dan didn’t listen.

                “At least I didn’t have shriveled up balls last night. Unlike somebody, obviously.”

                “Dan…” Phil warned, pulling at his arm to get him to lie down again.

                “What? All we do is listen to his crap all day.” Dan said in frustration. “Let me sleep, you pathetic waste of life!” He shouted before lying his head back down. He was too angry to sleep now though. The man snorted but didn’t respond. He retreated into the shadows with his cell mates.

                Dan was just starting to come down from his anger when the familiar footsteps of the guards started up the steps. He didn’t move, knowing it was just breakfast. He kept his eyes closed even. That was, until the footsteps stopped at their gate and started unlocking the door. Phil’s head shot up and Dan felt every muscle tighten in the man’s body.

                “Fighting time.” Glen said.

                “Me?” Phil pointed at his chest in surprise. “I was just out there.”

                “No, him.” The guard nodded toward Dan and Dan’s blood went cold. Phil glanced back at him with unease. He threw the blanket off and got to his feet.

                “That doesn’t make sense. He was out there a few days ago.”

                Glen shrugged. “I’m sorry Phil. I don’t make the rules. I just do what I’m told.” He switched his gaze to Dan and waved him forward. “Come.”

                Dan forced himself from the bed and over to the guard. He looked panic stricken at Phil, who didn’t look much better.

                “We haven’t even had breakfast. He barely slept last night with the storm. He’s not ready. Can you give me anything?” Phil asked.

                “I’m sorry. I don’t know anything. All I know is the crowd sure likes a battle in the mud.” Glen closed the gate behind Dan and they started down the stairs toward the arena. Glen walked behind Dan and as they went down a narrow hallway the guard pushed lightly at Dan’s arm. Dan twisted his neck to look at the man. Glen whispered to him. “Open your mouth.”

                “What?” Dan said, creasing his forehead suspiciously.

                “Look, I’ve known Phil a long time. He’s a good guy and seems to like you. I’m trying to help you out. Now open your mouth and swallow it whole immediately.”

                Dan figured he didn’t have much to lose and unlocked his jaw. He saw something round and red before it was on his tongue. He gulped, using his saliva to get the pill down. His throat was dry since he hadn’t even had a chance to drink water this morning. The guard nodded approvingly and stepped back to his place. Now Dan would just have to wait and see if it would kill him, or aid him.

                Standing at the gate Dan looked dreadfully out at the muddy pit he would be battling in. The hours of rain and cold made the arena deep with thick, drying, sticky mud. They waited inside the safety of the coliseum as the audience stood. Someone must have been entering from the other side but Dan couldn’t see them. Many of the people were cheering as always, but there were quite a few actually booing whoever had entered. Dan looked skeptically over to Glen.

                “They know who’s fighting today. They like you Dan. He may be a Hero but listen to that out there. They don’t like him. Remember that while you’re out there. Those people, they are cheering for _you_. Do you have any advantages in a fight that you know of?”

“Uh…I’m left handed.”

“Great, use that okay? Okay, get ready.” He lowered his voice then. “You’ll start feeling the effects of the pill any minute.”

                “How will I know if it’s working?”

                “Oh, you’ll know. Trust me. Good luck.” Glen handed him a sword and pushed the button on the wall. The gate rose and Dan decided not to hesitate this time. He walked straight out into the arena, sword held firmly in his fist as he went confidently toward the center. What did Glen mean by using his left handedness? It was risky but Dan thought that perhaps it would help if his enemy didn’t know he was left handed...With that in mind he switched the sword to his right hand. He certainly wouldn’t be able to do much damage this way but perhaps it would be a nice diversion when he switched again. Dan’s feet sunk into the sticky mud.

Suddenly, it felt as though his heart had stopped and flipped completely around. When it started again Dan had to take in a deep breath. His heart rate increased.

                By the time he was facing his enemy face to face he had so much adrenaline coursing through his veins that he felt like he was floating. Mentally he seemed to be elsewhere. It was as if he were watching from another person’s point of view and yet when the bell rang and the large bald man immediately pulled back his arm for a death blow, it was as if Dan didn’t even have to think about his actions. He could see what was happening clearly. His body reacted before his mind had caught up with him. He knew that the mud would make it nearly impossible to run away. His feet sunk in too deep. But the man he was fighting was probably twice his weight. He would have a more difficult time maneuvering.  

                Dan ducked and went under the man’s arm as it came down. By the time the Hero knew what was happening Dan was behind him and gave him a solid kick in the back. The man had used to much force in his attempt to behead Dan in the first three seconds. He was already off balance and the kick sent him to the ground easily. The thick mud grabbed onto him, pulled him down. Dan leapt forward with the point of the blade and the audience screamed in triumph. But the Hero wasn’t dumb. He sat up, avoiding the sword and grabbing Dan’s arm. Dan gasped, knowing this was not good. He wasn’t strong enough to rip himself from the hold.

                “I hear people expect you to beat me. You? You’re just a little punk!” The man growled through his teeth and grunted as he used Dan to pull himself up and then threw him to the side like a doll. The mud provided enough cushion that he didn’t get injured but his body was still jarred. The man held up the sword again and Dan considered switching to his left hand there but something made him decide otherwise. He didn’t feel it was quite time to reveal his secret. He got to his feet and jumped to the side. Pain sliced across his abdomen as the blade slid across his skin. He’d never felt anything like it. In seconds though he was standing straight and it was if nothing had happened. He could feel the blood soaking his shirt but the sting was non-existent.

                Dan followed his enemy’s movements. His odd out of body experience made predicting his actions easy. They went back and forth for a while. Dan darted in and out of the man’s almost constant endeavors to thrust the sword into any part of him. It was working though. The Hero was getting tired, angry, and desperate. He constantly had to pull his feet from the mud. His body was strained. His mind was overwhelmed with frustration. Dan wanted to give it a little more time but when the second bell rang he knew it was now or never.

                As the man dove for him again Dan switched the sword to his left and blocked it. The blade sliced through the man’s arm and he shrieked in outrage. Dan shifted and continued stabbing at random parts of the Hero. The man couldn’t keep up, he didn’t know where Dan would go next. He kept trying to back away, retreat from the constant shallow stabs but eventually his feet got stuck in the mud and he felt backwards.

                Dan didn’t even have to think as he grabbed the handle of the sword with both hands and thrust it into the Hero’s left side, exactly where Phil told him a person would bleed out the fastest. Within seconds the heavy man took his last breath. Dan seemed to return to his own body then. His hand was still on the handle and at seeing the blank eyes of the dead man he backed away quickly, releasing the weapon and leaving it in the ribs. He grunted in panic. Had he just done that? How? What had come over him? The Dan of three weeks ago couldn’t have done this. His hands were trembling. He registered that the crowd was clapping and screaming at him but he also heard the speaker commanding him to return to the gate. He wanted nothing more than to return to the gate. To his cell and Phil. _Phil_. Phil would be able to help him figure out why he was feeling this way. Why his brain was buzzing and his limbs were numb. Internally he was aware that his heart was pounding and he hurt. He wanted to scream and bang his head against the wall.

                Dan charged across the arena as quickly as the mud allowed. The only thing that stopped him from running down the halls to his cell was Glen. The guard grabbed Dan’s arm before he could burst past him and pulled him to the side where he tied his wrists. Dan’s breathing was erratic. He felt like he was seeing double, even triple. And yet if someone attacked him right now he’d have seen it coming and been able to defend himself. He’d claw anyone that came near him.

                “Dan, Dan it’s okay. Calm down. We’re taking you back now. I know you feel really weird right now, maybe even crazy. Try to work with me though okay?”

                Dan nodded fervently though he wasn’t completely sure what had been said to him or even who was saying it. The walk through the halls was a blank. The next thing Dan remembered was the gate closing shut behind him. He saw the familiar space of the cell and relief flooded through him. It was like he had tunnel vision and he went for the mattress. He just wanted to feel something, touch something. Someone grabbed his arm and Dan reacted before he could think. He swung his arm around, swinging and punching at whatever was trying to kill him.

                “Dan! Dan it’s me!”

                Dan knew it was Phil but his body was determined to keep everyone and everything away. Hands grabbed his wrists and pinned them to his chest. He tried to wriggle away but the grip was firm. He was shoved down onto the mattress, hands against his chest. He kicked but his feet were restrained with the weight of someone’s body.

                “Dan, calm down. It’s just the drug. I promise it’ll wear off in an hour or so. Please listen to me. You’re okay. You’re safe. But you’re also hurt.”

                _Hurt? Hurt, yes, I am hurt, I remember getting hurt. The sword…my stomach_ …He could feel it now. The pain returned to his abdomen and he squeezed his eyes shut. One of his hands were released and dropped to the side. He slid hid fingers across the material of the blanket. The bed. He was on the bed. Everything was okay. Okay? How could everything be okay? He’d just killed somebody! He’d just fucking killed a human being! The intensity returned and he clung to the side of the mattress with a fist.

                “There you go. You’re getting there, believe it or not. Just keep holding onto the bed.” Said the voice. Phil. The person restraining him was Phil. But Phil wouldn’t hurt him. Not here, not now. Only in the arena. Dan remembered wanting to go to Phil after getting out of the arena and a part of him breathed. He opened his eyes. He still had tunnel vision but he forced his gaze upward and saw Phil there, sitting on his legs and holding one of his arms. Dan reached up, running his fingertips along Phil’s arm to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. He could feel the skin though, it was real.

                “Just focus on breathing. Once your heart rate slows everything will come back together.”

                Phil was there, he wouldn’t hurt him. In fact, Dan was convinced that if someone came into their cell right then to kill him, Phil would protect him.

                “Shhhh. Shhhh.” Phil shushed him like a baby and the sound was soothing. Dan closed his eyes and breathed. In, out, in, out. Slow. Everything had been going so quickly and now he just wanted it all to return to its normal speed. The grip on his wrist lessoned until finally he had both of his arms back. He let them fall to the mattress. Fingers caressed along his open palm and up his arm. His body went limp and he listened as his thudding heart slowed…and slowed…

                Each beat was getting quieter in his ears. The weight lifted from his legs. The soft touches stopped and his eyes shot open, pain shot through every nerve ending and he tried to sit upright.

                “No, no.” Phil placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back down to the bed, finding Dan’s hands again and resuming the caresses.

                Dan relaxed again and kept his eyes closed until the fits of anger and fear stopped coming in waves and eventually seized all together. His mind returned to itself and he swallowed. His throat was so dry. He was so thirsty.

                “Water.” He pleaded.

                “I’ll get you some. Hold on. Don’t get up.” The bed creaked as Phil got up from the bed. Dan listened to the sink come on and for some reason the familiar sound eased him. “Here.” Something pressed against Dan’s lips and as soon as he felt the wetness on them he lifted his head and drank until every drop was gone.

                “More, I need more.” Dan attempted to sit up. A spasm ripped across his stomach and he rested his back against the wall. Phil brought him three cups of water and then insisted he wait until he drinks more. The man joined Dan on the bed, searching his face intently. With moisture in his mouth Dan could finally speak. “Glen gave me this pill before going into the arena. I’m not sure what happened. I think-”

                “I told him to give it to you.”

                Dan furrowed his brows. “You did? Why?”

                “Look, I know it makes you feel horrible but I didn’t like the way this morning was going. I didn’t know what they were going to send you into and I knew you hadn’t had proper food, water, or sleep.”

                “You’ve had one of those pills before?” Dan asked.

                Phil laughed. “Oh yes. Glen introduced me to them shortly after I started fighting. The guards trade them to some of the prisoners for things but Glen and I kind of have an understanding. We’ve known each other for a long time.” Phil smiled warmly. “I don’t recommend having them often. I don’t know what’s in it and I don’t think I want to know but whatever it is makes you feel superhuman for long enough to give yourself a chance in the arena.

                “I do think I only won todays fight because of that thing but I never want it again.” Dan said, shaking his head.

                Phil laughed. “We should look at that cut.” He gestured to Dan’s lower stomach. “It seems to have stopped bleeding so much at least. I didn’t want to worry about it before because I thought if I let you go you’d end up hurting yourself.”

                “Or you.” Dan pointed out.

                “Nah. You don’t really throw a good punch. No offense. But that stone wall or iron gate would have given you a problem.” Phil smiled, pulling out the medicine box. “Can you take off your shirt? That would make it easier.”

                Dan obeyed but it was difficult to sit himself up in order to accomplish the task. He got a look at the cut for the first time and his eyes widened. How had he not been screaming in pain this entire time? The slice went from one end of his stomach to the other straight across. Blood still oozed from some parts of the narrow slash. Phil dabbed at the spots with a wet towelette and wiped away any drying blood.

                “This is going to require a bandage around your entire waist.” Phil applied a powder and then grabbed a wad of bandages.

                “So, if you’ve been in this cell by yourself most of your time here, then how the hell did you not kill yourself or something after taking that pill. Because if it weren’t for you pinning me down, I would have definitely been punching that wall until my hands broke.”

                “To be honest, I’m not sure. I don’t really remember it. I woke up on the floor with my fists bloodied but nothing was broke, thank God. I’ve only had the pill twice.” Phil stood and gestured for Dan to do the same. Dan maneuvered to his feet carefully and raised his arms as Phil wrapped the gauze and bandage around his waist.

                “I hate that you’re wasting all of this stuff on me.” Dan admitted.

                “Don’t be. Glen gets me more when I run out.”

 

That evening when dinner was passed around, Phil handed Dan his entire bowl of soup. “What’s this for?” Dan asked.

                “You didn’t get breakfast. And I know you have to be starving.”

                “I’m fine, eat it Phil, please.”

                “No, I want you to have it. You need it.”

                Dan did. Phil absolutely refused to have it any other way. As he sat there on the bed leaning against the wall he realized that there was one less person getting a bowl of soup tonight because of him. He paused eating, looking into the bowl with the sudden desire to puke.

                “What is it?” Phil asked. “Something taste odd?”

                “No. I…” Dan set the bowl in his lap and connected his eyes with his cell mates. “Phil, I killed someone today. There’s one less person one this planet because I took their life.”

                Phil stared at Dan for a long time before speaking. “I know how you must feel right now, but you need to remember that we’re given no other choice here. Out there in the real world, yeah, there’s no reason to take someone’s life. Here though? It’s the only way we make it to the next day. You need to remind yourself of that constantly, okay?”

                Dan nodded but he didn’t feel any better. “Do you know how many people you have killed?” He asked. When Phil didn’t respond right away he looked up. Phil was digging his finger nails into his thigh.

                “That’s what these are for.” Phil scooted away from the wall and pointed at the marks he’d gouged out with another stone. Dan inspected the lines.

                “Each one is for a person…?” Dan said hesitantly. He could have been a mark up there, he realized. He should have been. Phil would have dug out a line for him had he won that match and Dan wouldn’t be sitting here.

                “Yeah. I want to make sure I’m always reminded of it. I don’t ever want to forget the lives I’ve taken. Even criminals didn’t deserve this fate.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i havent gotten any feedback whats so ever on this fic...is there a specific reason why maybe??? I suppose its kind of an odd plot and a limited audience reading but still!


	7. Never Back Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is unexpectedly thrown into the arena with Phil. But what will be the consequences of refusing to kill?

Dan jerked awake, nailing his head on the wall behind him. “Shit!” He cursed. People were yelling downstairs and it sounded like a metal pole was being dragged along the bars of each cell. “What the hell?”

                “Everybody up! Group battle today! Everybody up!” Feet pounded up the stairs. The guards appeared moments later. They beat the cell gates with metal poles and yelled the announcement again. “Everybody better be awake! Group battle!”

                Glen didn’t stop at their gate but he threw something into their cell. It rolled across the floor and Dan crawled over to grab it. It was a cloth wrapped around two pieces of bread.

                “Bread?” Phil guessed.

                “Yeah…” Dan said, still only half awake and very confused.

                “They don’t usually feed us before a battle. Glen’s just trying to help us out.” Phil got up from the bed and pulled at his hair. “Shit. This isn’t good.”

                “I don’t understand. What’s happening?”

                “We need to hurry up and eat that in case one of us is chosen.” Phil grabbed one of the pieces and shredded off a bite. “Have you ever been to the coliseum when they threw in a bunch of men, more than usual, and whoever was left won?”

                “Yeah…I have.” Dan’s stomach flipped in panic.

                “That’s what today’s battle is. They go through and pick a few Heroes, a few newbies. It’s a way to get rid of the weak and keep the strongest.”

                “But I was just in the arena yesterday, they wouldn’t take me. Right?”

                Phil paced the cell nervously. “I doubt it. They know you’re injured. You wouldn’t make the fight interesting today, which is ultimately what they want.

                “Right.” Dan said in relief. “But wait, does that mean you’ll be going?”

                “Probably.”

Despair sunk through Dan. Phil saw the expression on his face and smiled.

“Don’t look so grim. I’ve made it through a lot of these. This one won’t be any different.”

“What about your leg? How’s that doing?” Dan asked.

“It’s fine. It won’t hold me up. Doesn’t even hurt anymore. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Dan took a chance and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Phil’s midsection. Just in case. He was surprised when Phil didn’t even hesitate to return the embrace. Phil was careful not to touch Dan’s wound as he pulled away.

“Are you two love birds done saying your goodbyes? If I’m out there, I’ll personally make sure you’re dead!” Randy shouted from across the space. Phil stared back at the man with concerningly.

“Me too!” Someone from a cell they couldn’t see into yelled.

Dan ignored the comments and placed a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “Don’t die.” He pleaded.

Phil cocked his head and smiled a little. “For the first time, I’ll try not to.” He took a step and Dan held his breath as a gentle kiss was placed on his forehead.

“Everyone line up! If you’re not chosen stand back please!” Glen yelled. The other guard was downstairs giving the same speech.

Dan and Phil stood before the bars, hearts thumping as Glen went from cell to cell, referring to a piece of paper in his hand and declaring who would be in the fight. Dan noticed a pattern. They were choosing one person from each cell. The guard reached them and stood there for a moment, looking from Dan to Phil. “You.” He said, pointing to Phil. Dan swallowed and took a step back.

More guards returned several minutes later, each grabbing two prisoners and leading them towards the maze of hallways. Phil didn’t look back once he was out of the cell and Dan was kind of relieved. It made it easier to watch him go. After the commotion was done, the yelling, the sliding or iron gates, Dan sat on the bed and against the wall anxiously. He ran his fingers over the grooves in the stone, dipping into each of them as he went along. He could hear the battle begin outside a while later and couldn’t stop his heart from fluttering in worry.

From downstairs Dan could suddenly hear someone running across the floor and then up the stairs. Someone heavy footed and in a hurry. It was Glen and Dan furrowed his brows as the guard stopped at his cell. Had something happened to Phil and Glen wanted to come and tell Dan in person? The man was out of breath but started unlocking the gate to Dan’s cell.

“What are you doing? Is something wrong?”

Glen spoke between breaths. “They want you out there too.”

“What?” A sinking feeling pulled in Dan’s chest.

“I’m so sorry Dan. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t have to. They just informed me. Hurry please.” Dan stood and followed Glen out the gate. The guard didn’t even worry about tying his hands. Whether it was because he trusted Dan or because he’d forgotten in the rush he wasn’t sure. “The people behind the scenes really like Phil, and you. They’ve noticed you guys getting…close.” Glen shot him a questioning look, as if looking for confirmation. “I think they want to use that to get the crowds going.”  

“That’s…”

“Horrible, I know. I think they want to see what will happen if they throw you into the mix. We need to hurry. It’s a bloody mess out there.” Dan tried to keep up with Glen but the cut across his stomach felt like it was being torn open again and he half limped through the hallways. The guard noticed and sighed heavily, slowing his pace. “I can’t believe they are sending you out there.” The man mumbled, shaking his head. “I can give you another pill if you want.”

“Uh, thanks, but no thanks. I’m going to take my chances cause yesterday sucked.”

“Yeah. Let me know if you change your mind. The fight’s already begun, obviously. So, you’re just kind of going to be jumping into it. You may have an advantage that way. I know it will be hard but try not to cater to your injury. They’ll pick up on that really quick.” Glen advised. The light could be seen at the end of the hallway, the sounds of battle getting louder. Dan’s heart rate increased with it and he wondered if he would regret not taking the pill. “Here’s your sword.” Glen handed him the weapon. Dan took it in his left hand this time. He wouldn’t be trying to trick anyone today. He doubted he’d have the physically capability to keep up with them otherwise.

As they reached the gate Glen turned to him. “I honestly hope for the best out there for both of you. Come back in one piece.”

“I’ll try.” Dan snorted and faced the arena.

“Not to rush you to your death but they will be expecting you out there soon and if you’re not…well I don’t know what they would do to be honest.”

Dan nodded fervently, taking a hesitant step forward. He walked out slowly, as if the slower he was the more invisible he would be. The arena was no longer muddy, though clumps of dirt were scattered across the area. It was a sweltering day and the sun beat down heavily as usual. The audience suddenly broke into a piercing uproar of excitement. He looked at the thousands that had come to view the battle. They bounced in the air and Dan could see several close by pointing at him; including a young boy who seemed flustered with happiness at who he was seeing.

“That’s him! Dad, that’s him!” The child yelled and pulled at his father’s sleeve. Dan gave an uncertain nod and forced smile and then turned his attention back onto the battle. There were probably a dozen men up and fighting. More than that lay dead on the ground already. Dan was glad to see that most everyone was at the opposite end of the arena. He followed the wall towards the fight, his eyes searching for Phil. He spotted him near the center of the arena fighting a large armored man. Dan watched in horror as Phil desperately tried to hold his own against the larger Hero. Sweat poured down his face, blood splattered his face as well as his opponents. Dan started toward them but when he tried quickening his pace he almost cried with the pain spiking across his abdomen.

As he came out of the shadows and into the open part of the arena more people spotted him and the crowd got even louder. The obnoxious cheering distracted several of the fighters and a couple more men went down. _You’re not helping me_ , thought Dan as he realized how many dangerous eyes were on him now. In his current battle Phil seemed not to notice anything was different. That was until he leapt behind his attacker and made direct eye contact with Dan over the man’s shoulder. Dan saw the instant in which Phil froze and stared at him in horror. His opponent knocked him to the ground and held the sword up. Phil’s eyes remained glued to Dan’s. _He’s going to die. Right here in front of me._

In a panic Dan screamed at the man from several yards away. Despite the agony that burst through him he forced his legs fast, holding up the sword and without hesitation driving it beneath the man’s shoulder. The Hero hadn’t expected it and howled, twisting around to try and pull the sword out. The weapon was ripped out of Dan’s grip and the man headed for him, hatred burning from his eyes. Dan started backing away but suddenly the man jolted forward and he fell face first to the ground. Dead. Dan looked up and met Phil’s eyes. Phil pulled the sword from the dead man’s back and handed it back to him.

“What the hell?” Phil said angrily. “What are you doing here?” He searched the area around them briefly before scanning over Dan’s body and then back at his eyes.

“I don’t know. Glen came back for me after the fight. They wanted me in.”

Phil cursed under his breath, looking like he wanted to throw his sword into the wall. He paced in a circle and Dan watched him carefully. “He’s hurt you idiots! You selfish bastards, he was in here yesterday and he’s injured!” Phil threw his hands angrily into the air. He turned his back on Dan and screamed into the air.

“Phil…” Dan stepped forward placing a hand gently on his cell mates arm. “It’s okay. We can do this. I’m okay.”

Phil spun around to face him. “You don’t understand. If we do happen to make it, if we are the last ones, they’ll expect us to fight each other.”

Any hope Dan might have had collapsed. “Oh…”

“I won’t kill you Dan. I won’t.” He said fervently. The crowd likely thought the two were arguing…arguing in the middle of the arena. As a matter of fact, what would they be thinking right now? They were probably confused as to why they weren’t trying to kill one another. Phil lowered his voice, an obvious war waging in his heart. “I can’t do it. Maybe a few weeks ago but not now.”

“And I won’t kill you. So it looked like they’ll just have to deal with it.”

“And what do we do we do when they send in the animals?” Phil gestured toward one of the closed gates.

“We fight each and every one, together.”

Phil stared intensely at him for another moment. He snorted and shook his nodded. “Right, of course we will.”

Phil’s eyes suddenly widened and he grabbed Dan’s shoulder, shoving him to the ground. The sound of a blade piercing muscle erupted in Dan’s ears as well as the deafening ovation of the audience. Dan sat up just as a body collapsed beside his. He looked up to where Phil was holding out his hand.

“I guess it’s two against the rest.”

Dan smiled and Phil pulled him to his feet. “Let’s do this.” Dan looked out over the arena. There were three men left, not including the one currently collapsing to the ground with a knife in his throat. Two of them Heroes by the looks of it and the other had noticed Dan and Phil and started toward them. Determination was evident in his gaze and Phil took a defensive stance, stepping from foot to foot. Dan mirrored him and a glint of confusion sparked in the man’s eyes.

“Try not to actually stab me.” Dan muttered.

Phil smirked beside him. “How about you just stay out of my way pretty boy. But seriously, just let me take care of this.”

“No way. This is my fight too.”

“No, it’s not. You’re not even supposed to be here.” Phil persisted.

Dan ignored him, only feeling more determined to show himself. He decided to make the first move and bounded forward. The ability to ignore the rip in his stomach came only from the adrenaline that flowed steadily through him. He heard Phil curse behind him as he quickly followed a few paces behind. Expecting to collide, their opponent lifted the sword and prepared to swipe downward. Dan dodged to the side and sliced behind the man’s knees, another move Phil had showed him. The fighter went to his knees and Phil finished him just as two of the Heroes dove for them.

Dan was already out of breath and the heat made his brain feel foggy. He pushed his hair from out of his face and tried to regain focus as he blocked his enemy’s thrashes. He aimed too high on one though and the blade slid across his arm. He managed to keep hold of the sword and continued defensively. He knew he had to get out of his position. He remembered Phil’s advice, how he’d told him that when fighting with a sword the only good side to be on was offensive. You couldn’t last long defending yourself. Dan was starting to realize that as he was pushed further and further back. His muscles started to quiver, his breath ragged. He could taste blood in his mouth from biting his tongue so hard in an effort to concentrate. His hands were sweating and the heavy weapon was beginning to slip farther down in his fist.

 _I don’t want Phil to see me die, please not like this_ , Dan repeated multiple times to himself as he endeavored to gain some ground on the Hero. The constant clank of metal against metal caused a constant ringing in his ears. He couldn’t hear the crowd anymore. Only the grunts of his opponent and the clanging weapons echoing in his ears. The man cut him three more times as Dan felt his back hit the wall of the arena. He held as firmly as he could to the handle of the sword, the blade above his head. The strength was gone in his arms though and the man shoved the blades down, forcing Dan to the ground. Dan screamed in frustration. There was no way out of this. He tried kicking at his opponents shins but they did nothing to deter him. Dan knew his arms wouldn’t hold for much longer. The muscles were already pushed past their limits.

The man screamed and abruptly pulled away. Dan sagged against the wall, his limbs too exhausted to respond if he returned to finish him. Still, he tried to stand, tried to use the wall behind him to help him up. Phil was now the one fighting the Hero and Dan couldn’t handle just watching. He needed to get up. He grunted and yelled at the effort but his body simply wouldn’t comply. The man managed to knock the sword away from Phil and took aim for Dan again in an instant.

“This isn’t fair!” The Hero bellowed at whoever may be listening. “It’s not supposed to be two against one! This isn’t how the fights work!”

Dan clambered against the wall helplessly as the enraged human came toward him. He thought maybe if he could reach the man’s arm before the blade struck him he could get it out of his grip. He caught a glimpse of Phil before his cell mate threw himself in front of Dan, slicing the blade across their enemy’s neck and using the blunt end of the weapon to slam it against his temple. Phil thrust the sword into man’s ribs and it was all over.

For a moment Phil continued to stare at the body before him. His body shook and it looked like he might collapse. Still, he pulled his weapon free and turned to Dan who still sat helplessly against the brick wall. He reached his hand out, avoiding Dan’s eyes as he helped him to his feet.

“It’s done, Phil it’s done. We did it.” Dan’s voice shook but reprieve blossomed in his chest.

To Dan’s dismay Phil shook his head, taking his hand in his and leading him toward the center of the arena without lifting his head. “There’s still two of us Dan. It’s not over, I suggest you get ready.”

Dan’s slight burst of energy wilted immediately. Another fight? He couldn’t. There was no way. His body would fail him. There was no other choice though. And he wouldn’t just stand here and take it. So he was going to fight. And he’d do so until there was a sword through his heart. They reached the center and Phil took a fighting stance, releasing Dan’s hand and locking his gaze onto one of the gates.

Dan looked into the audience, watched as they went suddenly quiet. Whispers filled the air as the people turned to one another in amazement and curiosity.

“KILL HIM.” Said a raspy voice on the speaker.

Dan looked for the source of the voice but saw no one. Phil shook his head.

“KILL HIM.” Repeated the voice more sternly this time. Again, Dan watched as Phil shook his head, twisting the handle of the sword back and forth between his fingers.

“I won’t do it!” Phil shouted. Dan linked his fingers again into the man’s free hand. Phil squeezed back, his shoulders visibly sagging. The arena went completely silent. The whispering came to a halt. People shuffled their feet and looked back and forth between each other and then to the two so called criminals standing defiantly before them. The announcer too remained mute.

“Let them live!” Someone in the crowd bellowed and Dan and Phil shifted their gazes to whoever dared speak out. “Let them live!” The voice repeated.

Phil breathed out in shock. He stood straighter, looking over the people. Dan spotted the boy in the crowd that he’d waved at and found him staring back with a disheartened expression. The people…they didn’t want Dan and Phil to fight one another.

“Yeah! Let them live!”

“They deserve to live! Both of them!”

People started shouting out from the benches. The objections getting louder and louder until it the coliseum vibrated with the intensity. It didn’t take long for the mess of voices to turn into a unified chant.

“LET THEM LIVE! LET THEM LIVE!”

Over and over again the phrase continued. Dan had a death grip on Phil’s and his heart felt as though it might explode with everything that he was feeling and witnessing.

“Dan…” Phil breathed.

Suddenly the speaker crackled. A voice blared from it but no one could hear over the chanting. The gates opened and Dan and Phil jumped, clutching onto their swords again. But no animal erupted from the shadows. The audience’s yelling dissipated slowly and they watched the gate carefully.

“Return to the gate.” The speaker announced. Dan and Phil looked to each other, staring in amazement. The crowd erupted into joyful holler’s.

“We get to live. Phil, they’re letting us live.” Dan laughed. After a few seconds Phil smiled. He pulled Dan to him and kissed him deeply on the lips. Dan gasped in surprise but didn’t have time to react before it was over. Phil laughed when he saw Dan’s expression and ruffled his hair.

“Let’s go then. Before they change their minds, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the comments! At least I know there are people reading this lol


	8. Die For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil have a new kind of fan base

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double post for ya all today

Dan knew that everything from that battle onward would be different. It seemed obvious to him and to Phil that the people behind the scenes of the coliseum were not happy with the outcome of the battle. They had wanted a final fight, an ultimate winner that they could run with. Instead they ended up with two prisoners resolute in their refusal to kill one another and thousands of citizens standing behind them.

                “I will never be able to understand how you two managed to pull this off.” Glen laughed as he shut and locked their cell door. “You’re two brave, stupid sons of bitches. I just hope it doesn’t back fire.”

                “Oh, it will, but until then we can enjoy our accomplishments.” Phil said. “Couldn’t do any of this without you Glen, thanks.”

                “Well I’m with you guys. Have a good night.” The guard gave them a last smile.

                “Well Dan, you know what this means?”

                Dan was pulling his shirt off and standing in front of the sink to examine his wound. “What’s that?” He replied, trying to hide how much pain he was in.

                “You’re a Hero now.”

                Dan perked up. “What? Really?”

                “Yup. You’ve won three battles. Now that you’re a professional killer you’ll start getting a bowl of soup. Congratulations.” Phil said sarcastically.

                “That really is good news, isn’t it?” Dan wanted to feel more excited about the fact that he was alive and everything had worked out in the end but he just felt emotionally comatose. Physically he wanted to just lay on the floor and retreat into sleep.

                “What is it? Are you okay?” Phil’s voice took on a concerned tone and he came over to Dan. “Oh,” he said, grazing his fingers over the bandage that was soaked through with blood. Dan also had new open slashes and scrapes on his back from skidding along the rough stone wall of the coliseum. “We need to clean and rewrap this.”

                Together they worked to disinfect each other’s newest wounds. Dan’s was torn open again. He tried to work mindlessly but there was so much going on in his head. Most of it having to do with Phil. He kept thinking back to the first time he’d met the man. When he’d thought of him as callused and violent. He was scared of him, especially when they’d been locked in the same cell. It had taken a while for Phil to warm up to him and now Dan wondered if it would have been best for them to never have developed feelings for one another.

                Watching Phil fight in the arena today, seeing him close to death so many times, he didn’t know if he could handle that again. He never imagined he’d feel this away toward him and he definitely wouldn’t have believed that Phil could ever reciprocate those feelings. Yet here they were, a vow to never kill each other despite the circumstances they were in, comforting each other emotionally, healing one another physically.

                “Dan? What are you thinking about? We’re alive, we made it. Aren’t you happy?” Phil pushed a piece of hair from off Dan’s forehead so he could look him in the eyes. Dan couldn’t help but meet his gaze, peering into the blueness and seeing for the first time true joy. Joy caused because he was with Dan. Was Dan really capable of making someone as happy as Phil looked right now? He could easily remember the dull, hardened look in the man’s eyes those first couple of weeks. How could so much change?

                “Phil, I…you…” He sighed. “I don’t know. I feel like everything has changed all of a sudden and I guess I wasn’t prepared for any of this and I’m just overwhelmed all of a sudden.”

                Phil cocked his head. “What has changed?”

                “Everything! The games, me, us.”

                “Us?”

                “Yes! Most of all us. A month ago, you were trying to kill me. And now you jump in front of warriors to save me? When did this happen?” Dan’s throat shrunk with the emotion, he felt burning behind his eyes. Phil smiled at him, stroking his hair again.

                “And do you think that’s such a bad thing?”

                “I don’t know…I care so much about you and especially what happens to you. I don’t ever want to have to watch you die at the hands of these people.” Dan couldn’t believe how honest he was being but Phil was making him feel so comfortable and he was easy to speak to, everything was just coming out.

                “I don’t want to see that happen with you either Dan. Look, I don’t entirely understand how this has all happened either. Sometimes these things just happen though and I certainly don’t want to start fighting against it now.”

                Dan searched Phil’s eyes, seeing an entirely different person than he had a month ago. “Neither do I. I’m just scared. I can’t help how I’m feeling towards you but we can’t have a happy ending. Not in here.”

                “I’ve spent most of my life knowing I would never have a chance at happiness. I especially never thought I would have these feelings toward anyone they threw me into the arena with or that I would be standing up against the very people that have made me who I am and forced me to do all that I have done. But our lives are too short to give up even the briefest of happy moments. Whether prisoners of the coliseum, or prisoners of the world we live in, death will come to everyone. And I’m proud to know that I will be fighting along with you, and will likely die protecting you.”

                “I don’t want you to die protecting me!” Dan exclaimed. He threw his arms around Phil and buried his face into his neck. “I want to die protecting _you_.”

                Phil embraced him tightly. “Then we’re going to make one heck of a team.”

 

That night they both lay on the bed, side by side, slightly overlapping because the bed wasn’t designed with two people in mind. Phil twirled Dan’s hair in his fingers and Dan brushed his thumb along Phil’s wrist. They’d been silent for a while but neither seamed capable of sleeping after the days excitement.

                “Do you want to know something?” Phil whispered into the stillness.

                “You have a secret fetish? I knew it.” Dan teased.

                Phil snorted. “Uh, no.”

                “Okay, sorry, continue.”

                “Now I don’t want this to make your self-esteem go down because you really are a good fighter but that first time in the ring with you, I may have gone kind of easy on you.”

                Dan lifted his head, furrowing his eyebrows. “What?”

                Phil looked at him guiltily. “You looked so scared but I could see this determination in your eyes. I wanted you to feel like you had done well in your last moments.”

                “I almost killed you!” Dan retorted in disbelief.

                “Okay, yeah. So I underestimated you and next thing I knew I was on the ground with a sword at my throat.”

                Dan let his head fall to the mattress again, scoffing. “Unbelievable. I still claim that fight.” He insisted.

                Phil smiled. “You can have it.”

 

The next evening Glen came with dinner and interesting news. At seeing their guard’s jumpiness Dan and Phil stood from where they were sat on the bed.

                “Is it Christmas or something? What are you all excited about?” Phil inquired.

                “Come here.” Glen waved them over to the bars. After he had looked behind him and seemed satisfied that no one was within ear shot he whispered eagerly. “Have you guys heard about what’s being said about you outside the coliseum?”

                “Uh, no, believe it or not we don’t get out much.” Dan said mockingly.

                “Well I _ask_ because with all the comments, it wouldn’t surprise me if it did somehow get back to you guys.”

                “What do you mean?” Phil asked.

                “After your fight yesterday, people are _obsessed_! This morning we had a group of kids begging for your guys autographs outside the gates. Everyone wants to see more of you two. And those that weren’t here yesterday are begging for there to be a battle soon.”

                Phil’s eyes widened in horror. “They want us to fight each other?!”

                “No! That’s just it. They want you to fight _together_.”

                “Together? That’s crazy. Yesterday was a onetime thing. They are never going to put us in the same battle after that.” Phil argued.

                Glen shook his head and raised his eyebrows. “I wouldn’t be so sure. The audience always get what they want. Especially when they’re begging for it like they are now. I would prepare yourselves f I were you. Take advantage of this. If you two can win the crowd enough, the coliseum might just be forced to try keeping you guys around a little longer.”

                Phil laughed sharply. “I’ve been here long enough.”

                “Yes,” Glen agreed and then looked straight at Dan, nodding his head in his direction. “But he hasn’t. He still needs to prove that he’s worth keeping.”

                “That will happen over time. Dan is a good fighter.” Phil said assuredly.

                Dan looked at him with a smile of admiration.

                “What?” Phil grinned back. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re still not as good as me but you’re on your way.”

                “Wanna bet?” Dan challenged, teasingly holding up his fist.

                Glen snorted. “If the crowd saw stuff like that, they’d go nuts.”

                “Yeah, what a bummer. If I wasn’t battling for my life in the arena maybe I could try giving the audience what they want.” Phil rolled his eyes. “Thanks Glen. See you tomorrow morning.” He waved him off as he walked away.


	9. Monster You Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil sees a change in Dan and it scares him.

Phil’s POV

 

Glen was in fact right in his predictions. Within a few days Dan and Phil were pulled from their cells and sent into the arena. At least once a week the two were fighting against other prisoners. In all his years here Phil had never experienced such an energetic crowd. The stands grew more and more crowded with every passing week and shook with the shouts of their apparent fans.

                Dan and Phil did not find these battles amusing. They recognized that they were fighting for their lives, even if the audience seemed to think this was all just a game. They entered the ring together, fought side by and side, and left together. When they’d return to their cells they’d scrub their bodies free of blood and do their best to heal the new wounds. There were always injuries, scars, pain. Physical as well as emotional.

                Phil saw what was happening. Each fight was getting just a little more difficult. Their injuries came faster than most of them could heal. Dan was getting stronger and faster. Phil couldn’t help but feel that this was actually a dreadful thing. Dan was becoming what Phil was after years of battles. He knew what the effect on the mind was and he didn’t want to see Dan become that. But he also didn’t want to see the boy dead. So, he fought for him. Time and time again he threw himself in front of swords, knives, and even a jaguar once.

                At first Dan seemed okay. But as the weeks went on Phil saw the effects. He had nightmares almost every night and would wake up screaming, sweating, and crying. He couldn’t hide much of anything living in the same cell. Phil suspected that even Dan didn’t know what was going on with him. But Phil understood. He was reaching that moment all eventually do where you either break like glass, or turn into stone.

                Phil didn’t want to bring it up. He worried it would only speed up the process. Instead he focused on comforting Dan. When the boy was curled alongside him in the bed his nerves seemed to settle. They’re first real kiss happened that way. After a particular gruesome battle Dan became quiet and inconsolable. Phil’s efforts to make him laugh or forget about the death he’d witnessed did nothing. Dan had been stuck in his mind, caged there like the prisoner he was here. So, Phil had kissed him. A slow, lingering kiss.

                They changed after that. Dan sought out Phil’s attention and affection almost constantly. The only time it completely seized was during a fight. And immediately after he’d curl against Phil on the bed or hold onto his hand as he stared into nothing. It was a strange thing for Phil to feel…needed like this. He’d never thought of himself as a protector, as someone Dan could go to in order to distract himself from the slaughtering. He’d never wanted to save someone so bad in his whole life. All he wanted was for this boy to be safe and happy. Now he was watching him fall apart under his fingertips day by day.

                Two months into their weekly battles and the coliseum threw in a second fight in the same week. They’d introduced several wolves into the battle. Phil had only seen that one other time. The wild dogs were worse to have in the ring than larger predators. They were fast and smart and worked together. They were patient and could wait for the right moment. Worst of all they couldn’t kill with a single bite or swipe of their paw. They tore and chewed their prey to death. It had been an especially traumatizing day. Even more so when one of the wolves had gotten hold of Dan’s arm. Phil would never forget the blood curdling scream that sent his body into a terrified overdrive. They’d managed to get the dog off but not before it ripped Dan’s arm to shreds as well as piercing Phil’s hands as he pried the creatures jaw open.

                Phil was caressing Dan’s injured arm as they lay face to face in silence on the bed. They’d wrapped it but it was clear he was in a lot of pain. The fight had set their nerves on fire and it had taken a while for Dan to calm down. Finally, though it seemed he was okay. Phil stared into the brunette’s expressive eyes. He searched them sadly, looking for what was no longer evident in them.

                “Dan,” Phil said so softly that the sound was barely audible, “you’ve changed.”

                The boy continued gazing back at him. He didn’t seem surprised by the comment. Phil wondered if anything was even getting through to him in this moment. Was Dan even hearing him? Pain pierced his heart. It hurt worse than any knife stab could have done.

                “Your innocence is gone.” Phil continued. Saying out loud what he’d noticed weeks ago made it more real and a swell of emotion caught in his throat. “You’re beginning to scare me.”

                It was a few moments before Dan responded. He didn’t seem to have anything to say and had to come up with something in order to make Phil feel better. “Why would you say that? I’m okay. That wolf just kind of scared me today is all.”

                Phil shook his head. “That’s not what I mean. I know what you’re going through. I remember the moment I wondered if I should just give up. I had to make a choice. I had to decide whether I was going to win, or die. Anyone that’s been here for more than a few fights goes through that. And some do break. Dan, I don’t want to see you break.” A light flickered on in Dan’s eyes and Phil breathed out, feeling the smallest of hope spark in him at the sign of life.

                “Oh Phil, I’m so sorry.” Dan scooted closer, kissing Phil on the lips and stroking his hair. “I know I’ve been…different lately. I just…” Tears welled in the boy’s eyes. He struggled to get his next words out. “I’m not a bad person. I’m not…am I?” The tears fell and he sucked in a deep shuddering breath.

                “A bad person? No Dan, of course not.” Phil held the boy closer, wanting to just squeeze the disparity out of him.

                “I kill people Phil! In the arena, in my dreams. Hearts stop because of me. Families cry because of me. All I see is blood everywhere, all the time.” The sobs continued and Phil tried his best to soothe him.

                “I know. I remember all of that. The nightmares go away, I promise.”

                “Only because the nightmares turn into reality one by one.”

                Phil had nothing to say to that because in part it was true. “Hey, that’s why we have one another. Neither of us have to do this alone.”

                “How did you do it Phil? All those years by yourself.” Dan’s crying slowly came to a stop. Phil wiped the tears from his cheeks and kissed his forehead.

                “I don’t know. I don’t know why I kept fighting before but I know why I do now and it’s for you. Only for you.”

                “But what if I break? What if I give up? What would happen to you?” Dan looked at him quizzically, worry lacing his dark eyes.

                “If you go, then so will I. And trust me when I say that I wouldn’t be missing out on a future. I fight for you, and _only_ with you.” Phil leaned forward and kissed the boy gently on the lips. Dan was hesitant to comply but it didn’t take long for him to melt. His needy desire for comfort and affection outweighed his sadness and he deepened the kiss after only a few moments. He pushed himself against Phil, grabbing his shirt and trying to pull him closer. Phil was used to this side of Dan. The side of him that desperately tried to forget the things he’d seen and done with physical connection. Phil wished there was another way to help the boy but he’d tried everything. So instead he let himself be used. He slid his hand down Dan’s sides, grabbed his hips, and glided over the soft skin of his back under his shirt until they were seamless against one another.

                Dan let out a shuttering breath against Phil’s lips, pausing the kiss to settle himself down. They continued gently. Their intimate moments always consisted of tenderness. Their kissing sweet, their touches delicate. It was such a far contrast from the people they needed to become in the arena. Here, alone, they were allowed to be fragile. Together, their bodies were sensitive and they cherished moments like this, dragging them on until their desire for more simply demanded to be satisfied.

                They’d learned to be quiet and content with what they were able to do with one another in their situation. It wasn’t logical or even safe to go all the way but they were comfortable with the gratification they were able to achieve in other ways.

                Dan muffled his pleasured gasps into Phil’s shirt, clutching at him desperately until ecstasy coursed through him and his limbs went limp. Phil muted his own moans into the boy’s neck. And when they’d finished, nothing more needed to be said. They remained engulfed into each other, breathing the other in until sleep overcame them both.

 

Dan was a little better after that night. He went into the battles with the kind of vigor Phil had first seen him with. He didn’t have to worry as much and that was a massive relief on his part. As much as Phil enjoyed the boy’s clinginess before, he was happier to see when he started acting independent again. He saw hope.

                One night, before one of their now two scheduled battles a week, they lie on their backs on the bed, feet against the wall and heads hanging off the edge. They’d been laughing and talking for who knows how long.

                “I have a question for you.” Dan said excitedly. “If you could do one more thing outside of this coliseum, what would it be?”

                “Wow, that’s intense. I don’t know…” Phil thought back to his brief life outside of this place. He remembered the garden his mother had always kept and how he’d loved going out there and talking with her as she worked with the flowers. “I think I would want to smell the flowers. Remember what spring was like? It was beautiful. I miss seeing the green grass and blooming flowers.”

                “Yeah,” Dan sighed. “Spring is nice.”

                The air took on a sadness and the conversation ended there. If you learned one thing from being in here it’s that dwelling on the things outside aren’t worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I know it was a short chapter but it was a big bridge


	10. Battle Symphony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flowers are the last bright and beautiful thing to happen

Dan’s POV

 

Dan got up before Phil, carefully maneuvering so he didn’t wake. Breakfast would be here any minute and he had a request of Glen. As soon as he heard the guards opening and closing gates he stood by the door and waited. When Glen appeared at the top of the stairs Dan stood a little straighter and smiled. Glen returned the smile as he unlocked the door and handed Dan two bowls of soup.

                “How ya doing there Dan? That dog bite you got all healed up?”

                “Yes, it’s doing much better.” Dan held up his previously ripped open arm as evidence. Jagged scars lined the skin but that was nothing new. “Hey, I have a question. A request…actually.” Dan felt himself blush and Glen grinned.

                “Alright then, what is it? I’ll see what I can do.”

                Dan flicked a glance back at Phil to make sure he hadn’t gotten up. He kept his voice at a low whisper. “This is going to sound crazy but would you be able to sneak…flowers in here…for me?”

                Glen raised an eyebrow. “Flowers huh? Who’s the lucky lover?” He joked. “Never mind, I think I can guess.”

                Dan rolled his eyes. “I just think it would be really special.”

                Glen nodded. “I’ll get them to you as soon I can. Any particular kind you’re wanting?”

                Dan shook his head. “No, anything alive will do. I don’t care if you pluck some dandy lions from someone’s front lawn.”

               

Glen brought the flowers two days later. He’d delivered their meals and then left as usual, returning a few minutes later with a small bouquet of wild flowers. He had them tucked into his coat and after Phil had taken the soup bowls, slipped the flowers out and handed them to Dan. Dan’s eyes widened and he smiled eagerly. “Thank you!” He whispered, clutching the flowers to his chest. Glen rushed quietly down the stairs and Dan couldn’t wipe the smile off his face.

                “What are you doing?” Phil asked suspiciously.

                “I have a surprise for you.” Dan turned his head but didn’t turn around.

                “What are you talking about? What are hiding…?” Phil tried to peek around Dan’s shoulders but he swiveled away.

                “Patience! Get back!” Dan demanded.

                “Okay! Okay!” Phil laughed and put his arms up, backing away.

                Dan savored the moment of anticipation before finally turning around. He felt his cheeks burn as he held out the flowers. Phil’s jaw dropped and he stared at the bouquet for several moments before his eyes flicked to Dan’s.

                “What? How?”

                “Take them, they’re for you.” Dan pushed them into Phil’s hand. The man wrapped a fist around the stems, holding them as if they’d turn to dust right before his eyes.

                “Oh my God. Dan, this is…this is the most amazing thing…this is…oh my.”

                “You said that if you could do one last thing outside it would be to smell the flowers. So, I asked Glen to sneak some in for me.” Dan said proudly, grinning as he watched Phil’s shocked expression.

                “You’re incredible.” Phil set the flowers in the sink and then threw his arms around Dan. “I love you so much. Thank you.”

                Dan’s heart flipped “L-love me?”

                Phil pulled back enough to look him in the eyes. “I’ve never loved anyone before but the way I feel towards you, there’s no word that describes it better.”

                Dan embraced him again, nuzzling into the man’s shoulder. “Then I think I love you too.”

                When they finally let one another go Phil took the flowers again. He held them to his nose and breathed in, closing his eyes when the strong wild scent infiltrated his body. He touched the petals delicately, feeling their softness. There had never been something so beautiful and harmless in his cell. Or even this building. He hadn’t seen something so bright, colorful, and alive in so long. Even these would die, but at least he would always have this memory, that was Dan’s hope.

 

The flowers were the last bright and beautiful thing to happen.

                “Things are going to change again.” Glen whispered, looking downcast as he relayed his latest knowledge. “The audience is getting bored. They know you will win and therefore the thrill of the fight is gone.”

                Dan’s chest constricted with the news. “What do they want to see? Maybe we can…I don’t know, do something.”

                “Action, Dan. They want to you see you guys _really_ fight for your life. Fight for each other, actually. They want more drama.” Glen said.

                “We _have_ been fighting for our lives! What more can we give them?!” Phil exclaimed, throwing his hand sin the air.

                “It’s not just that. The criminals they put you up against are angry. They know when they walk into that arena that they’re going to die no matter what. The prisoners talk about you two, they plan. They want both of you dead. The coliseum has a plan. I don’t know the details but you guys best be ready. Things are going to get difficult. I’m not sure they’re going to come to your rescue like they have been. I just wanted to warn you guys.”

 

In the next battle, Dan had to half carry Phil out of the arena. Phil groaned in agony as they were lead back up to the cell. His body only allowed him fast shallow breaths. Dan’s heart wanted to burst with anger and fear. Glen hadn’t been wrong. The fight had only stopped when Phil was brutalized by an armored Hero to the point of several broken ribs. Dan had been trying to fight his way out of a corner that he’d been trapped into by two criminals when he heard Phil’s pained cry. He’d been distracted for a second, not even, but the time gave his enemies a chance to stab his side with a knife. He’d collapsed to the ground, clutching the wound and trying to stop the bleeding. Arrows whistled through the air and into the neck of every Hero in the arena. Saved again.

                Dan had removed his shirt and held it firmly to the knife stab as he ran to his cell mate. Phil was collapsed onto the ground, laying on his back and breathing raggedly. Dan fell to his knees at his side, touching his face and running his hands over his body in a panic to try and find the injury.

                “Ribs.” Phil choked out. “I think they’re broken.”

                “But you’re okay? Please tell me you’re okay.” Dan had pleaded.

                “Yeah I’m okay.” Dan helped him sit up and Phil gasped at the blood seeping through the shirt at Dan’s waist. “What happened? Why are you asking if _I’m_ okay? We need to get you back, now.”

                Phil protested Dan helping him up but between the two of them Dan was the only one capable. They ignored the shouts of the audience as they hurried to get back inside the gate. Glen had been kind enough to help rush them back to the cell.

                Now Phil lay on the bed, too pained to move. Dan worked at stopping his own bleeding, applying searing balms and layer upon layer of bandages. Phil was angry and scared. For the first time, his emotions were clearly seen on his face and especially in his maddened eyes.

                “What could be next Dan? What will throw at us next? You know they’re going to make us fight like this. Broken ribs, stab wounds and all. They don’t care.”

                “And we’ll just keep going, okay?” Dan reasoned. “Just like we have been.”

                “We can’t do this forever. Our bodies will give out. How am I supposed to fight like this?” Phil gestured to his stomach.

                Dan finished doing what he could to his wound and sat on the edge of the bed beside Phil. He looked down at him concerningly. “I don’t know Phil. I’m sorry that I don’t have a better answer. There’s nothing that we can do.”

                They remained silent for a long time, both lost in their own despairing thoughts.

                “Have you ever thought about escape?” Dan whispered, still staring at the opposite wall.

                “Escape? From here? It’s not possible.” Phil laughed.

                “Not even if Glen was willing to help us?”

                “Glen does a lot of things for us but I think that would be too far. Even for him.”

“Okay…what about just us? What if we thought of a way?” Dan persisted.

Phil sighed. “Think about it Dan. We’ve only ever gone down the single hallway. We don’t know our way around. It’s a maze. It we tried to find our way we’d get lost, or run into someone. They have guards everywhere. Besides that, we’re both severely injured. We couldn’t fight them off. We don’t even have weapons.”

“Okay, I get it.” Dan said helplessly. “It’s just…Phil? I don’t want to die at their hands. I want to die because I was fighting, not because they’re bored of saving me. I don’t want to die as a heartless monster. They’re using us Phil. I hate that. We’re just pawns to them.”

Phil laid a hand on Dan’s arm, wishing he could give more comfort. “I’m so sorry. You deserved so much better than this life.”

Dan stared at his lap. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the gold band, fiddling with it between his fingers. Phil watched as his hands moved around the soft medal. Dan shook his head at the object. He tapped his palm with it a few times and then turned to Phil. He set the bracelet lightly onto the man’s chest, moving the hand that was on his arm to cover the jewelry.

“I want you to have it. It seems to have been a kind of good luck charm for me since I got here. Maybe it feels bad for sending me here.” Dan laughed lightly. “Maybe it’ll work better in your pocket.”

Phil closed his hand around the band, rubbing it with his fingertips. “Thank you.” He clutched it against his heart, finding the metal to be quite soothing. No wonder he’d often seen Dan twirling it around.

Dan sighed. “I’m tired.” Phil began to move over, wincing when he tensed his stomach. Dan stopped him with his hand. “No, you stay here. It’s best if you lay on your back like that. I can sleep on the floor a few nights."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be posting the rest of the story tonight everyone.


	11. Evil Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The arena's rules change. Will they be for the good, or bad?

Phil’s POV

 

There was supposed to be a fight tomorrow morning and here Phil was, lying motionless on the bed because everything he did hurt. He was so frustrated that he wanted to cry. They couldn’t do it. Dan was in just as much pain as him. He tried not to show it but Phil saw the way he breathed in carefully and walked delicately.

                He could hear Glen walking up the steps and lifted his head. The guard approached their gate. He had a sad smile on his face and Phil knew in an instant that something was wrong. “Hey Glen.” Phil said nervously. “Something up?”

                “Uh, no. No. Just dinner time. I was able to sneak in a piece of bread for you guys too. Maybe it’ll help with the battle tomorrow.” The guard avoided looking them in the eyes. Everything was wrong about how he was acting. Phil’s heart beat unsteadily in his rising panic.

                “Dan, can you help me sit up?”

                Dan was off the floor and at his side instantly. He took his hand and supported his back with the other to help push him up. It took great effort from both of them but once he was up he felt a little better. Dan watched him with worried eyes and Phil endeavored to look strong. Once Dan was sure Phil wouldn’t fall over he retrieved the bowls from Glen.

                “Hey, you don’t look so good.” Glen noted, still avoiding eye contact. Phil went up to the bars, holding on to them as he leaned forward.

                “Something’s wrong. Tell me.”

                Glen finally met his eyes, an agonized expression piercing through Phil. His throat constricted with anxiety. The guard looked behind Phil briefly and took in a deep breath before speaking a low tone, making it so that only Phil could ear. “Tomorrow…tomorrow’s battle will be the most intense fight of your life.”

                “Okay…” Phil said uncertainly.

                Glen looked to the ground again. “You’re not…you’re not going to…” Glen swallowed, his eyes blinking with tears as he cleared his throat to pull himself together. “It will be your last fight Phil. They’re going to kill you.”

                Phil stared at him in disbelief. But he knew what Glen had just said was the truth. Tomorrow Phil would die. And there was nothing he could do about it. He looked behind him to be sure Dan hadn’t heard anything. The boy was at the sink, breaking the bread up and adding it to the soup.

                “And Dan?” Phil inquired, his heart racing.

                “They still want him. They’ll save him as they always have.”

                Phil nodded. A black despair was creeping along his nerves. His insides going dead even as he stood there alive. “Thank you for the heads up. And thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me.”

                Glen continued to stare at him. Phil could see the way the guard was memorizing his face. “They want more drama. And what more dramatic thing can you do than watch as two lovers are forced apart by death? It’s all for a stupid show. Aren’t you going to fight? They could change their minds you know. Maybe you and Dan could-”

                “Of course I’ll fight. But I won’t be fighting for me.”

                Glen glanced over at Dan, nodding knowingly. “I’ll take care of him. I promise. I’ll sneak food in when I can, I can get more pills. I’ll tell him everything I know about upcoming fights.”

                Phil wasn’t really listening though. He was looking down at his feet and nodding with each word the guard said. “Thank you. I guess you better go now.” He met the man’s eyes that had been his friend for so many years, even if it was through these bars. “See you tomorrow morning for breakfast.” Phil stated, smiling as best he could.

                “Right, see you…tomorrow.” Glen said, searching his face one last time before unwillingly turning and slowly heading down the hall. Phil stared after him, a numb, hollow feeling invading his core.

                “Glen was acting weird today, wasn’t he?” Dan said, picking up a bowl of soup and handing it to him.

                “Thanks.” Phil mumbled, summoning up the energy it took to look…normal. But he felt entirely different. Everything felt strange now. He was living his last moments and he knew it. He always thought his death would come unexpectedly. That he wouldn’t have time to think about it. But now he had Dan to think about as well. Should he tell him? _No_ , was his immediate thought. Dan would do everything both possible and impossible to keep that from happening. He might even get himself killed trying. _Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing_ , Phil thought. He imagined Dan after tomorrow was over, after Phil’s heart had stopped. He’d still be fighting, he’d still be eating two measly meals a day, he’d get hurt and Phil wouldn’t be here to heal him. He’d get sad, and Phil wouldn’t be here to hold him. Who would watch over him?

                “Phil?” Dan called.

                Phil lifted his head. “Sorry, just thinking. Yeah, you’re right, he was acting weird.”

                They sat on the bed and ate their soup. Phil tried to stop thinking but how could he? His brain came up with a thousand different ways that he could die tomorrow. Would it be fast? Would Dan see it? _Dan, Dan, Dan._ That was the worst thing. Dan would be so alone. He would suffer so much. And Phil couldn’t do anything to stop it. He almost wished it was Dan they were going to get rid of tomorrow. At least then Phil would know he was no longer in agony, that he wouldn’t have to kill or cry or scream again. He would just be…gone.

                “Dan, what would you do if…if I died?” Phil asked hesitantly.

                Dan stopped eating and turned to him. “What? Why are you thinking about that?”

                “Please just answer the question.” Phil pleaded.

                Dan sighed heavily. “I don’t Phil…I don’t like to think about that. If you die, I better die at the same exact time I guess. Don’t you dare think that I could make it. Cause without you…” Dan’s voice came to a stop for a while before continuing. “There, you have your answer. Can we stop thinking about it now? Tomorrow we’ll fight like we always have. We’ll stay side by side and protect each other. Right?”

Phil smiled slightly. “Right.”

 

That night Phil insisted Dan sleep beside him in the bed. He didn’t care that it hurt his ribs, or that he probably wouldn’t sleep at all. He held Dan to him, touched every part of him, kissed him until they were too tired to continue. He absorbed everything about the boy that he could. He let the spikes of pain prod at every part of his insides. He knew what was going to happen tomorrow. And for all the horrible things he’d been forced to do in his life, he deserved to feel that pain on his last day alive.

               

Morning came and Phil’s eyes flickered open. His ribs screamed at him but he did nothing. Dan was still asleep against his stomach and he would do nothing to ruin this moment. He closed his eyes and listened to the boys peaceful breathing.

                He also didn’t want their last day together to start with the slamming of iron gates and guards yelling. He stroked up and down Dan’s arm, caressing the soft skin and memorizing its feel. He leaned forward and kissed a spot on the back of his neck. The boy stirred a little and Phil smiled against him. He heard Dan sigh contently.

                “That’s nice.” He grumbled groggily.

                “Good.” Phil whispered, leaning on his elbow. Dan shifted to lay on his back and stared up at Phil with a smile.

                “You look like you just woke up.” Dan grinned.

                Phil chuckled. “I wonder why.” He leaned down and kissed Dan’s lips lingeringly, with a gentle firmness. He needed to know how much he cared for him. Their lips moved together perfectly, lovingly.

                “I really love kissing you.” Dan said softly when they’d finally pulled away.

               

They got up soon after and prepared the best they could for the battle. Dan rebandaged his wound, Phil walked around the cell trying to regain his strength to stand. After a few circles, he actually did feel stronger. Each step was like a stab to the gut but at least he could walk. He practiced a few maneuvers, discovered the ones he could and couldn’t do.

It seemed breakfast would not be coming this morning. That was made certain when the first iron bar scraped open below them. Dan and Phil looked to one another, the adrenaline already preparing to pump. They watched as a few familiar faces were taken from their row of cells. Phil analyzed them carefully. He knew a couple of the men were not fans of his and Dan’s. And when Randy was led out of his cell Phil’s heart flipped. Would he be the one to throw the knife into his heart?

The time came for Dan and Phil to be taken. Glen didn’t look at Phil and Phil didn’t blame him. He took no offense. In fact, nothing was said as the three of them walked the halls to the arena. The last thing Phil wanted was for Dan to feel his anxiousness and despair so he endeavored to remain strong. He always thought that on the day of us death he’d die strong, but knowing you are going to die made it much more difficult.

They stood inside the large rusting iron gate. There was a large black fabric pulled over the bars so they couldn’t see into the arena. Phil’s brows furrowed worryingly. They’d never done this before…What could it mean? He wondered what they would throw at them in there. There were so many thoughts running through his mind and he couldn’t stop any of them. He just let them flow by and tried not to think too intently on a single one. Dan looked over at him with the same uneasy glance but didn’t say anything.

“You’re weapons today will be these.” Glen handed them each a black dagger. Phil flipped it around a few times in a hand. It didn’t look worn like most of the weapons they’re given. It was shiny and spotless and hardy.

As they anticipated the rise of the gates, the familiar sound of an excited audience pierced their ears. The black fabric rippled viciously. It was windy outside. It was a hot wind and with the sun already beating down on the arena, it was going to be a quickly draining battle.

Phil peered at Dan from the corner of his eye. The boy’s fists were clenched at his sides and if Phil rested his fingers on the pulse in his neck his heart would likely be pounding. He had the look of determination he always got when he was going into a fight, already evaluating the different scenarios they could be put into and how to go about it. Dan had gotten good at this, too good. Fear was hardly visible in his stance, in his toned muscles. Phil was probably the only one that could see any of it. He reached out and slid his hand down the boys arm. The gentle stroke surprised Dan and he jolted, looking over at Phil. He must have seen something in Phil’s eyes because he softened immediately and gave a slight smile. Phil gave a sad smile in return. His heart was shattering. Maybe he’d be dead before the arena even killed him. _If I’m dead, I’m dead. I won’t know it once my heart stops,_ he thought. But Dan would. And that thought would torture him forever in the grave.

The announcer started and Phil directed his attention towards what would be the last time he’s introduced.

“We have a very special battle for everyone here today! It’s a past time favorite of yours and it’s being done for the first time in a long while!” The announcer paused to let that sink in. “Hero against Hero!” The crowd erupted and Phil’s stomach twisted. “We are going to be throwing our best, our toughest, our fastest in the arena today.” Some in the audience started whispering. Whether it was excitement, surprise, or a little bit of horror Phil wasn’t sure. He knew that him and Dan had many fans and he doubted they would want to see either of them killed, even if they did enjoy the fight. Today they would learn that neither of them were as invisible as it seemed. “No animals will be thrown into the arena today. This will be a game of strategy, not speed. Desperation, not justice. And with that, let the battle begin.”

“Shit.” Dan muttered as realization that is was beginning dawned on him and the gates along with the concealing cover rose. Apparently, the coliseum didn’t care much for dramatic anticipation. They would not keep their audience waiting.

Dan went to burst into arena and Phil gripped firmly onto the crook of his elbow, pulling him back against his chest. Dan was yanked backward just in time. A powerful body leapt toward them from just outside of the gate. A chain stopped the massive lion from reaching them. Dan gasped and looked back at Phil in horror. Phil nodded toward the arena where several screams broke out. Outside of each gate was a chained lion. Several men that had been too quick to fight were mauled instantly.

“How did you know?” Dan asked, moving to stand beside Phil.

“I didn’t. But I’ve never seen them put something over the gates like that so I figured there must be a reason.”

Dan flinched at the sound of a final painful screech of death.

“We need to get past him. He’s chained. He can’t get to us once we’re far enough.” Phil explained.

“I’ll go first. I’ll distract him.” Dan started forward and Phil pulled him back again.

“Dan, no.” Phil said, a horrified look on his face at this boy’s quickness to action.

Dan pulled from the grip on his arm. “It only makes sense Phil. I can run faster than you right now. If you go first, you’re dead.”

 _But you’d be alive_ , Phil wanted to say. But he knew Dan was right. They needed to do everything possible to make it through this. Both of them. He would survive as long as he could. As long as he was allowed. He pursed his lips and took in a deep breath. “Okay.”

Dan gave a sharp nod and turned, taking a single step toward the lion. The creature swatted and growled. Phil saw Dan swallow. The boy put a hand to his stab wound, preparing himself to bolt. “You go right after me okay?”

“Okay.” Phil agreed.

There was a gasp from the audience and Dan and Phil jerked their heads toward the arena. The other fighters were one by one getting past the big cats. Most simply ran past, avoiding claws and teeth. Only a couple dare fight the creature face to face.

“Don’t get distracted. We just need to get out there.” Phil stated, getting more and more anxious as the seconds passed.

“Right.” Dan sounded less certain now. With only a moment more of hesitation Dan bolted for the arena. The audience jeered loudly as he leapt over the lions swatting paw. The cat chased him as Dan charged as fast as his legs would pump away from the animal. “GO!” He shouted back at Phil. The creature reached the end of its chain and bellowed furiously.

Phil took his one opportunity. As he shot forward his ribs seemed to rip holes through his lungs. Pain jabbed his abdomen in but he couldn’t stop now. He yelled in determination, his heart rate quickening at the lack of oxygen even as he continued to run. The crowd cheered again as he appeared in the arena. Phil had been staring at his feet, making one foot go after the other. But now he looked up. Dan was standing not too far off looking with a horrified expression from Phil to the lion that had only just noticed his second opportunity at prey escaping.

“Go Phil GO!” Dan screamed, gripping at his hair and pacing as he watched Phil run as quickly toward him as possible. The lion charged. “Phil!” He screamed desperately. Phil stole a glance from the side. He could see a blur of yellow coming toward him, the sound of the heavy beast hot on his heels, its breath getting louder as it closed in. Dan continued hollering his name, despair and fear lacing his voice. Phil closed his eyes and focused on moving his legs. The cheering of the crowd faltered to a horrified gasp a second before claws ripped into the skin at his calves. He stumbled several more steps before collapsing onto his side. He rolled onto his back, holding up his dagger just in time to see the cat reach the end of its chain and get yanked backwards.

Hands were around Phil’s chest in an instant and he was dragged away. He recognized Dan’s labored breathing behind him. After he’d been taken a good distance away Dan appeared before him, helping him to his feet quickly. There was no time to check the damage on his leg. He could walk and that was all that mattered. Dan fumbled around for Phil’s hand as they scanned their surroundings and caught their breath.

“What the-” Dan was cut short by what he was seeing in the arena before him. There were about twelve fighters. Only, they weren’t fighting. The swords were firm at their sides. The wind blew dust in their faces and they squinted. Their bodies were tense and ready but they were not looking at one another. Rather, they were…gathering. Every single one of them. They soundlessly collected into a group and stopped less than forty yards away from Dan and Phil. All eyes were on the two and those eyes were full of murderous thoughts.

“This is what I’ve been worried about.” Phil muttered.

Dan didn’t respond. He was focused on watching as the band walked towards them, fiddling with the various weapons in their hands. It was then that they noticed almost everyone had different weapons. A couple had spears while others had daggers, swords, tridents, and even a ball club. There was no way they could fight through all these men.

“Phil?” Dan asked tentatively. But Phil didn’t know what to do. He’d never encountered a group of fighters willing to ignore their training and work together to destroy a single enemy. It just didn’t happen. Phil tensed a little more the closer they got. Instinctively he held up his weapon and stood slightly in front of Dan. The boy let him, an energy of fear cascading over them both.

The loud speaker crackled to life, stopping the group of angry men briefly. “Begin fighting immediately.” Said the voice threateningly. The men scoffed and started forward again.

“What do we do Phil? What do we do?” Dan was panicking.

“What we’ve always done.”

“But what if we don’t…” His words drifted off.

“Then we don’t.” Phil said simply. Because what else could he say? He had no plan. There was nothing they could do outside of what they knew to do. Fight. Fight with all they had. This wasn’t fair. Of course it wasn’t. Was it ever? Phil thought of all the fighters he’d seen shot with arrows seconds before they would have sliced his throat or stabbed into Dan’s heart. They wanted revenge for the fallen Heroes. Otherwise they knew they would be one of them.

The announcer repeated his demand more sternly. “This is against the rules. Back away from the two Hero’s.” The speaker said.  It went without result.

“Back away from them? All of us here are Hero’s!” Said the man standing in front of the group. Randy. So, had Randy started this whole thing? Had he gotten everyone to work together? He threw his hands in the air as he continued his speech. “Why do they get such special treatment then, huh? I see what you do for them! The medicine! The food! The protection they get in the arena! THEY SHOULD BE DEAD BY NOW!” The man yelled into the air for everyone to hear. “Why do you protect them?! Because of _love_? Do they really do that much for you guys?!”

“Randy…” Phil started, trying to sound reasonable, even if all he wanted to do was charge him.

Randy spun to face Phil and Phil tensed, pushing Dan farther behind him. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” The man pointed a finger threateningly at him. “It isn’t fair.”

“None of this is fair.” Phil said. “None of us want to be here. I didn’t want things to go this way. I never wanted people to die because of my choices.”

“But they did. And so will I.” Randy growled. “No matter what happens today I know that I will die. And I’m taking both of you with me.”

The announcer came back on. His collected tone was gone. Uneasiness was evident and it made Randy grin. “Back away immediately! This is your final warning! Retreat immediately!”

“Look, I know how you’re feeling. I understand and I’m sorry. But please let Dan be. Take me, okay? Just take your anger out on me.”

“Phil no.” Dan stepped forward in a rush but Phil stopped him with his arm.

Randy shook his head. “It doesn’t work that way. You can’t sacrifice yourself. If anything, you deserve to be here. Him on the other hand-” He pointed at Dan, “everything changed when he got here. It’s his fault. He needs to go. Why don’t you step out from behind your little body guard and fight your own battle for once pretty boy? It all started with _you_.”

                In that moment, something clicked inside Phil. When he died today, Dan would take the brunt of everyone’s anger. There was no way he would live much longer, not with people like Randy in those cells. Maybe the coliseum would protect him for a time but they could only do so much. Dan couldn’t be protected forever. Everyone would go after Dan when Phil was gone.

                “Well then, like they said, let the battle begin.”

                Phil barely a second to react before the mob attacked. In an instant, bodies collided into his own. Dan was ripped away and everything seemed to shatter inside him. He was knocked onto the ground, his ribs crushed by someone’s foot and he screamed out as agony ripped through him. As quickly as he was knocked to the ground he found himself suddenly back up. Hands yanked him up by his arms. He was being held firmly by two men. His dagger was gone. The announcer was screaming into the speaker.

                It took a moment for Phil’s eyes to find Dan in the mess of bodies. “Dan!” He yelled. “Dan! Dan!” He heard the boy yell back to him from the mob and kicked at the shins of the men behind him. The prisoner kicked back and Phil found himself on his knees a second later. The group before him broke up, most of them backing away and Phil caught site of Dan, horror streaking his face as he saw the boy. He was a bloody mess but things could be worse. He could be dead. How come the arrows hadn’t been shot? Why were the men round them still alive? Was Glen wrong? Were both him and Dan supposed to die today?

                Dan was on the ground and Randy had hold of his wrists behind his back. Dan gasped for air and groaned as he coughed. Blood came from his nose and seeped through his shirt, which meant the wound had already bled through the gauze and bandages.

                “Let’s go.” Randy stated and another prisoner grabbed one of Dan’s arms as they began dragging him across the hot dirt. 

                “What are you going to do to him?!” Phil thrashed against his restrainers but they only pulled him up by his hair and pushed him along to follow Randy. Dan tried to get his feet under him but they were moving too quickly. Everything was happening too quickly.

                A roar echoed against the stone walls and everything in Phil froze. “No…no…no, no, no.” He cried under his breath. “Randy! Stop this! They’re going to shoot you!” Phil screamed ahead. He could see the maned creature pacing back and forth, excitedly awaiting the approaching group. Hunger flared in the predator’s eyes. Randy was going to throw Dan to it.

                “They’re going to kill us anyway! We’re all dead, so you two mine as well be dead with us!” Randy shouted back. There was no hesitation in the way he dragged Dan along behind him. No mercy. Just revenge, hate, envy, murder. He had one task on his mind and he wouldn’t stop before it was achieved.

                “Release the boy or we WILL shoot.” The announcer demanded. The crowd screamed, jumped, and yelled.

                Randy got within a few feet of the lion and watched the cat at the end of its chain begging with a purr to have its meal.

                “Dan! Fight! Fight!” Phil yelled at the boy. And Dan did. He tried with all his might to get out of the holds around his arms.

                Randy looked at his partner and they both nodded. He glanced back at Phil with contempt and satisfaction. “This is for all of us.” And with those words Dan was shoved toward the lion.

                The creature was ready and grabbed at Dan’s ankles, pulling him in.

                “NO! NO! DAN!” Phil screamed, tears streaming down his face as he watched fangs sink into the boy’s leg, heard the pained howl.

                “FIRE!”

                The familiar sound of arrows whistling through the air filled Phil’s ears. He was dropped to the ground and the air knocked from his lungs as the men around him fell one by one. He didn’t understand what was happening in that moment but he did know that he was free. He crawled forward and onto his feet, lunging toward the only person making any sort of noise. The lion was lying motionless on the dirt, multiple arrows piercing its chest.

                “Dan, _Dan_.” Phil grabbed Dan’s arms and hauled him backwards, out of under the lions paws and past the lifeless bodies of twelve fighters to a spot that was open. Immediately he dropped to his knees and grabbed the boy’s face. Dan blinked up at him, groaning and arching his back. His chest rose and fell rapidly. His pants were ripped to shreds and fresh blood came through the material. “Oh my God you’re alive. You’re alive. You’re okay. Dan, look at me, you’re okay.”

                Dan reached up and clutched at Phil’s arms. Phil laid a hand on the boys and pressed a kiss to his parched lips. “You’re okay, you’re okay.” He repeated the phrase over and over despite the tears streaking down his cheeks. He rocked Dan back and forth until both of their breathing settled. It was only then that he realized how quiet the coliseum had gotten. But he didn’t care about any of them right then. He only cared about Dan. He looked over the boy’s body. He was bruised and bloody but it seems the arrows got to the lion before the cat was able to tear him up too much. There were deep punctures in the lower half of his body but he wouldn’t die from this.

                “We made it again?” Dan whispered.

                Phil nodded. “We did. We made it.” A sob choked Dan’s breath and Phil looked down at him, pushing his hair off his forehead. “What? What is it?”

                “Phil…I…I wish I hadn’t. I wish I had died then.” Tears fell freely down the boy’s face now and he shuttered with the emotion that shook through him.

                Phil leaned over him, holding him tightly against his chest. “Oh Dan. I’m so sorry.”

                Silence enveloped them for what felt like a long time. The adrenaline coursing through them dissipated. They’re breathing evened out. Dan felt like a boneless thing in Phil’s arms, thinner than he remembered. He listened to the sound of his breathing, kept a hand on his chest so he could feel the soft thudding of his heart. _I’m not dead,_ thought Phil. But…why? Why hadn’t they shot him along with the others? His answer came to him by the sound of a crackling speaker.

                “Please step away from the boy.”

                Phil’s heart skipped a beat. His chest tightened. _Aw, there it is_ , thought Phil. The voice was spoken almost…kindly. As if it knew the Hero wouldn’t obey a command, but maybe a request.

                “Phil, please step away.” The voice repeated in much the same manner.

                He hesitated, his limbs freezing as he gazed down at Dan, into the brown pools of his eyes. The eyes that were no longer innocent. No longer fierce and fiery and witty. The gentleness Phil had once found in them had been replaced with fear and blankness. _When I step away from here, an arrow will go through my heart. Dan will live. Glen will have to drag him to his cell. Dan will patch himself back up and before he knew it, they’d throw him back out here to fight for the crowds again._ He couldn’t stand the thought of Dan being torn apart by another lion, or stabbed by a hateful criminal that didn’t even know the caring, tender hearted person he had killed. Dan didn’t deserve this…He shouldn’t be here…Everything about this was so wrong, unlawful, unfair.

                Phil looked around him. A few feet away he spotted his black dagger. A despairing, heart wrenching feeling overtook him as a thought came to him. He looked back down at Dan, brushing his temple with his thumb. Dan was searching his eyes, staring up at him devotedly.

                “Dan?” Phil called softly. The boy swallowed in response, sensing the sudden sharpness in the air. “Do you really wish you would have died today?” Dan started shaking his head but Phil stopped him. “No, tell me truth. It’s okay. Dan, I don’t think…I don’t think I’m going to survive the rest of the day. I think they are going to kill me. Glen told me, before we came here.”

                “But we’re alive. Phil, we made it. We’re okay. Why would they kill you now?”

                Phil shook his head. “Please answer my question.” He stroked Dan’s arm.

                “I don’t know how much longer I can do this Phil…” Tears welled in Dan’s eyes again and Phil let out a trembling breath. “And if you’re right…if you really think they are going to kill you then, I-I won’t. Phil, I won’t fight in the next battle if you’re not with me. We fight for each other. Remember? How can I do that if you’re not there?”

                Tears were falling down Phil’s face. He kissed Dan again. A deep, slow kiss. The taste of dust and both their salty tears intermingling. When he pulled away he nodded slowly at the boy below him. “Okay. Okay Dan.” Phil gently retracted his legs from underneath Dan, resting the boys head gently onto the ground. Shakily he stood and walked over to the dagger laying unused and clean on the arena floor.

                “That’s it.” The announcer praised, thinking their Hero had finally obeyed. Phil could almost hear the relief in their tone. “Medics into the arena. Get get medics into the arena.”

                Phil bent, his fist closing around the black handle of the weapon. He took hold of it and walked back over to Dan, sitting and laying the weapon down.

                “Back away from the boy! Prisoner! Prisoner, back away from the boy immediately!”

                Phil ignored the voice. He carefully helped Dan into a somewhat sitting position, his hand slipping across slick blood. Dan rested his head against Phil’s chest and breathed deeply. Phil stroked the boy’s hair gently. He closed his eyes and thought of all the time they’d spent together the last few months. Every moment of it had been the best of his life.

                Phil whispered into Dan’s shoulder. “I am so glad that the last months, weeks, days, and moments of my life have been spent with you.” He felt the boy’s tears soak into his shirt and more pain blossomed in his heart. This isn’t how his life should have gone. This wasn’t right. This isn’t the decision they should have had to come to. Without looking, he reached for the dagger and held it tightly. His hands shook. “I won’t let them turn you into a monster. Into me.”

                “Well, I think you’re pretty great.” Dan said. Phil smiled and rocked them back and forth again.

                Phil angled the blade to Dan’s back, right below his shoulder blade. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “Do you trust me?”

“More than anyone.”

“Okay. Please forgive me. I love you. For all it’s worth, for all we’ve been through, I loved you.” Phil connected their lips once again. He focused on the warmth of them. The softness of them. The trueness, the love, the affection, the need and desire and passion behind them.  As he lifted the knife away, a whistling filled the air and sharp pain jabbed into Phil’s spine. He drove the knife into Dan’s back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
> ...  
> .......................................................................


	12. Goodnight Misery

Dan’s POV

 

There was blood everywhere and yet nowhere. It was leaving his body.

                “ _Shhh, shhhh, shhhh,”_ said the familiar voice above him. The soft, kind, gentle voice of someone he loved. Dan tried to speak. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Something was blocking his throat. He couldn’t feel anything…see anything…move anything. Was he even…anything? He was thinking but something was happening. _“Please forgive me.”_ Said the distant soothing voice. Suddenly Dan felt okay again. He couldn’t breath and there was pain but that voice… _“Everything is going to be okay.”_ It said over and over. _“I love you so much and everything is going to be okay.”_

A rush of memories flashed through the emptiness. _Phil._ That voice was Phil. Phil had tried to kill him a long time ago. But things had changed. He loved Phil. Phil was saving him, saving them. He wanted to say so. He _needed_ to say so. He opened his mouth but he couldn’t hear anything. _Oh Phil, I love you._ Everything in Dan burned with the desire to tell him this one last time.

                _“I love you too_.” Said the voice and joy spread through Dan. He felt the warmth of it. A part of him knew he was dying. And he knew that it was for the best. But Phil… _Who’s going to watch over you?_

                _“You are Dan. Because I’m coming with you. We fight together, remember? I’m coming with you, my pretty, pretty boy.”_

 

 

 

_I can see when the lights start to fade_ _  
The day is done and your smile has gone away_

_May I hold you as you fall to sleep_ __  
When the world is closing in  
And you can't breathe here  
May I love you, may I be your shield  
When no one can be found  
May I lay you down  
  
All I want is to keep you safe from the cold  
To give you all that your heart needs the most  
  
Let me raise you up  
Let me be your love  
  
May I hold you as you fall to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...do you all hate me? Don't worry, I kind of hate me too. I cried writing this for goodness sakes alive!! But it had to be done. There was no good ending for this kind of story. No matter how many times i tried to write a different ending in my head, this was it.
> 
> I have offically been writing fics non-stop since December of 2016. I NEED A BREAK. I am forcing myself t take a break because writing is emotionally draining. Especially after a story like this. But I've also been thinking of some one shot ideas. Please feel free to send me prompts or requests at phandictioned.tumblr.com As you can see my this story as well as my many others, I write pretty crazy ideas so pretty much anything I'd love to hear ideas for. Thanks for your reading and support everyone!


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